"The Virgin Mary speaks to me. She says you must go to Tiffany...

Categories: uncategorized

Date: 09 September 2004 20:10:25

...and on the way stop at Cartier." Sharon Osbourne

They're the ladies chatting in Sainsbury's. The sort that have Victoria (Beckham) sunglasses, Debra (Messing) makeup and an over-large teenage son in tow.
They're the lady carrying her shopping and crossing the High Street giving me the evils because I've got a Sophie (Dahl) tan- the non-existent sort- and a Kate (Moss) figure ('s not my fault. You try a diet of stress-related bowel problems for half a year and see if you don't end up a skinny waif). She's the one with the Cameron (Diaz) hair and Britney (Spears) tan carefully cultivated in Spain*.

They're over forty and they all want to be Sharon Osbourne. Without the manky husband. I tells you- the High Street Clone Brigade are scary. Beware the evil tan. Bewaaare.

*TanFastic Beauty Salon