ZOMBIE

Date: 17 April 2010 00:03:59

Zombies are great. Depression is shit. And I was idly thinking to myself about how it actually feels to wander among the well when I'm really really bad, and I kept coming back to this idea of the walking dead, of the unreal city. So I'm conducting an experiment.

Normally when I feel this bad I curl up and avoid. I avoid you, your sister and your stupid friends. I avoid your dog. I avoid your van. I certainly avoid your phone calls.

But from today, when my latest icy frozen crash began, I will try to do differently. I have noticed that I can still make myself go for a run despite the much-documented bleahness of depressive woe, so I am trying to find out what else I can still do. First step: went to a party tonight at the Meeting House. It was like being a zombie among cheery people. If nothing else it helped me to see the zombie's point of view - and just how annoying the living are. It's like, shut up. Stop smiling. God.

I may as well go on this way. It seems almost to work. It's hardly a life, but I feel no less dead if I sit at home. Shall I just embrace my zombie identity?

I've made one concession to being dead already. I deactivated my Facebook profile. I did it mainly because I hate the stupid faces of the living, but that's probably much the same as a zombie would do.

I'm not feeling any compulsion to eat brains yet. I wouldn't mind a hug. That's probably what zombies actually want. It's much more a huggy sort of thing. Puts a different edge on zombie apocalypse movies, if the main reason for the living holing up with shotguns and trying to escape the cities is because the zombies are so bloody needy.

Oh and I'm sort of applying for a job. I have done this very quickly and am interviewing tomorrow. I am doing this as a zombie. I will interview in my bizarre zombie state. I have noticed I can even smile in this state. Nobody seems to notice any difference. People think I'm okay. I'm not, but that makes no difference.