Categories: uncategorized
Tags: depression, life
Date: 02 February 2010 20:44:01
I'm trying to resist lunging towards mania. That's not going to help. I need balance, I need peace and clarity. The only thing I don't need is routine. I've got plenty of that.
I don't go manic, not nearly. But I do get my hopes up, about silly things. And as I slowly get well, hope is getting to her feet again, and I want to drive her far away from me before she breaks my stupid heart. I'm just getting better, bit by bit. Someone said today they could see I was depressed just by my face. I was actually feeling pretty good, but I could see the comedy in it.
I'm afraid to hope, though, and that ain't right. Needs fixin'. I just need to find something realistic but not miserably banal to hope for.
I wish I could just relax a bit. I'm so intense all the time. If I've got a guardian angel the poor thing must be exhausted. Probably has to keep taking cigarette breaks, I know I would.
God. I could really use a cigarette.