MONTHLY CONSULTATION WITH M. (of Encore hair design & spiritual advice parlour)

Tags: dramatis personae, faith, observations, people who get it, shared experience, life

Date: 18 February 2006 13:24:00

ADVICE FROM M. This morning I went for my monthly haircut from M., hairdresser and part-time guru. I blog partly because I often find little nuggets of useful or even Extremely Important information in everyday conversations, and M.'s are really unusually rich. He has a sense for the spiritual that I have only met in a few other people. Some people just Get It I suppose. M. describes himself as a recluse, though he's one of the most well-travelled, exotic and well-turned-out recluses I've ever met. Essentially he means that he spends a lot of time alone. This is great because it's one of the keys to genuine awareness and spirituality: the ability not only to be on one's own but to not fear it, or fear oneself. If I can get back to that place - where I once lived - I'll be closer to working out who I actually am. I could do with that knowledge. He was half an hour late and we talked for an hour and a half, so I'm writing this as I head for the gym. But here are some edited highlights:

I need to fall in love. With myself.
I need to stop judging. Possibly myself also.
I need to forgive myself for the 2-3 years I wasted doing "nothing". During that time I smoked a lot of dope, and eventually M. asks me why I stopped. I tell him that I'd started because it gave me a clarity I simply could not find under the weight of misery and depression, and I stopped because eventually I went along to a church that was light and sunlit and airy and filled with the presence, and the dope actually became a hindrance at that point. M.'s ears pricked up at this. He felt something in that was "deep intelligence" and that it was a very significant little story. That I need to spend time with it, unpack it a bit. I certainly didn't realise how down on myself I still was for wasting so much time, but as he spoke about forgiving myself I realised I have probably condemned myself bitterly for it every day since. I could justify it, too, but I'm not going to. I need to let it go.
Desires and needs are not the same thing. Repeat. Desires and needs are not the same thing.
I am spending today creating tomorrow. What I do now creates who I am tomorrow. It creates what happens. I'm the one who is holding doors shut, or allowing them to open.
I need to be mindful. I seem to get into lots of situations where I can tell what's likely to happen, but then I do nothing about it. I miss or misinterpret the warning signals. This will be bettered by the 'mindfulness' idea but basically I must get myself more aware of myself and my surroundings. The gym will help with this. As will tai chi, which I continue to seek some training in.
I need to laugh at everything. I need to accept that the whole thing is ridiculous. This does mean everything. M. has a deep, infectious laugh. In fact I seem to have caught it from him, I've been laughing a lot today.
As soon as I started going to his shop M. knew it was significant. Then I stopped and he was like "oh". And then I started again and he was like "ah". (sic!)
He wants me to get him a leaflet about Pluscarden Abbey because it'll come in handy.
I'm too serious.
I need to figure out who I am.
We are all different and everything's subjective, but where we are heading is absolute and objective. Pretty sure he means death and Whatever.
He asks me why I'm on earth and I offer "to communicate love". He says I'm close, I'm here to spiritualise the physical. I don't ask what that means.

Why am I taking M. so seriously? Because he has reached out, and because we are able to communicate in a shorthand that would be completely impossible if we didn't have some shared experience. How often do you meet people like that? The above are just jottings, notes, but I will Never Cease To Be Amazed that one can run into anybody, anywhere. Final Point I'm intrigued by his reaction to the old story of my giving up dope when I came back to God. I wonder if it speaks of there being a time for everything? Is it possible that I actually need to be moving on into a new place, as the liminality stuff would suggest, but that I'm holding myself back? Is it possible I am actually holding other people back?