Categories: uncategorized
Date: 20 March 2011 11:27:18
I went to a church outreach picnic today. Invite friends and family type thing. Not my church. I saw an invite on a friend's facebook page, and I know a few people from work who go, so I thought I'd go. I thought it would be good to meet some people. I thought I could connect a bit more with work people. I was so nervous to be going to a church event, with all those nice, churchy people. My heart was beating in my throat. If I didn't have my kids with me, I think I would have turned around and left when I was halfway across the grass to meet them.
Have you ever been to someone else's church picnic? It's terrible. So many people, not including me, having a lovely chat in the sun. I thought I'd try chatting to the people cooking the BBQ, but they were busy chatting to others. I thought I could chat to the people I know, but they were keen to go and chat to others or go and do some job or other. I must be the most boring person on earth.
I stood there, trying not to look too conspicuous cos it feels terrible, but a bit conspicuous, so people would come and talk to me. I couldn't see anyone else who looked like they needed a friend. I stood there saying to myself, "all these nice people are just as socially incompetent as me. We're all the same really." Still, I don't want to put myself in that situation again, so I don't think I'll be going back.
Eventually a very lovely, nervous old lady came up to ask if I was part of the picnic. Thank you Jean. I asked her lots of questions to try to make things easy for her.
I was very glad to leave.
I'm working at a couple of places, trying to join in with social events and hang out at lunch etc. I guess I thought I could have work friends. Maybe that's unrealistic. They're such a clique-y bunch, so many in-jokes, and I don't think some of them like me - I think some of them are actually avoiding me.
Of course suggesting that instead of throwing old bibles in the bin, they could be burnt (imagine look of horror now) and scattered under a bush to return God's word to the earth, didn't go down well. I'm still laughing about that one. I guess I'm not totally boring old suburban middle class.
But you know what, since I wrote that, I've thought, who really who cares what anyone else thinks. I have an important job to do, which I can do without being buddies with anyone. I've got a nice family, I do have a good friend. I seem to feel bad every lent, looking back. The church picnic was terrible, but that doesn't matter, cos I don't have to go back.