Categories: uncategorized
Date: 24 February 2010 04:54:55
I've been criticised, fairly. You know when you do your best and pour your heart and soul into something, and it's not good enough.
Enough said. I feel crap. But not so bad. Just sad. I'm not bawling my eyes out like I've done in the past. I'm deflated, and ready to just walk away.
So there you go.
It's interesting that with no chocolate, alcohol or other food treats to turn to, I have to own my feelings and actions instead of obliterating the memory of them. There's nothing to do but accept them, sit with them, or turn to God. I don't think I've really done the latter yet.
One more thing, I'm sure lent is not supposed to be a self improvement plan. Is it?
It's not about making yourself or the world better is it?
I'm not entirely sure what it is about though.
I think I've given up thinking, and trying. I might try just doing obedience. I've read some interesting things in Ascending the Heights, a layman's guide to The Ladder of Divine Ascent. There might be something in there about obedience. I'll have to hunt it out to share some with you.
In the mean time I'll go back to eating toast with hommus, avocado and lemon juice.
Also, please pray for healing for a friend Tom. He is booked for major, major, major surgery tomorrow.