Categories: uncategorized
Date: 08 December 2004 03:02:48
Yesterday was a tough day. I was so overwhelmed with feelings, I was having trouble functioning. That's when I realised I have no music. I have abandoned Hillsong, traditional contemporary favourite of almost every church is Australia. I have nothing with which to replace it. I'm stuck in the middle, with no culture to tell me what to do.
I have no memorized prayers, no psalms, nothing to recall for comfort except, "help me Jesus." By not passing on these traditions, has the free-worshipping church let me down? I'm inclined to say 'no'. I think the church responds to the needs of a generation of people, people tired of the same old prayers, pioneers forging a new way foward, and then, the church gets stuck there.
I feel so alienated by sitting in a church hall, being told that I should come to church, raise my hands, sing Hillsongs, listen to some guy with a degree talk at me, drink coffee (and not fairtrade at that) and leave, having spoken to no one.
Forgive people if they don't speak to you at church. The environment is not set up to encourage relationships.
I was just imagining sitting cross legged on the ground around a fire, singing chants together. - I put my head in my hands. What am I becoming? What would my loving, kind, and Godly church elders whom I respect greatly, think of me. How do the people who sit cross legged on the ground around a fire find Jesus, if they have to fight their way through an alienating culture of church halls, pop songs and bad coffee?