Categories: uncategorized
Date: 21 February 2005 11:29:48
I was torn for a week trying to decide whether to write about my fast from sex. I know that my struggles are not the same as everyone else's, even if we do all struggle with our sexuality in one way or another at different stages of our lives. I know that I am in a priviledged position of having someone with whom to share my life. Also, people just don't talk about their sex lives, not really, except to make jokes or innuendo about the frequency of their activities or lack there of.
Now that I've gone ahead and done it, wrote the word 'sex' in my blog, it feels good, I feel better.
I don't expect sympathy, but I hope you don't mind if I share my experiment with you. I'm hoping I learn a thing or two about myself. But doing this as an experiment, to just learn about myself, is not really enough motivation. I feel a few tensions. I feel cruel, like I've imposed this on my partner. I think, "Why am I doing this?" Then it all seems a bit pointless.
I haven't got to the 'God part' of lent yet. The idea, I believe is to make a sacrifice in order to remember the sacrifice that Jesus made for me. So far I'm too busy observing how sex dominates so many of my thoughts. I'm hoping that after I stop walking around saying in my head, "I want sex, I want sex" (which is not helpful by the way,) that God will move in to fill the space made. I think a concious decision to think about Jesus on the cross, every time I think about sex, will help. If he did that for me, then I can do this for him. Although I'm sure I'm the one who is going to benefit from all this.
Lentuswhaticucs a religious-cynic but Jesus-sympathetic, has given up alcohol for lent. It sounds like it's hard, but he has got to the Jesus part. His reflections inspire me.