Categories: news-from-depressionland
Tags: crying, GCSEs, stress, loss.
Date: 25 May 2010 16:10:45
Major low over the last week, ending up with my crying buckets all over a couple of people at church on Sunday. If only I could learn to let the frustration out in little bits instead of storing it all up for one big outburst. Have made a doctors' appointment for a couple of days' time but I don't see what the doc can do other than increasing my meds even more, which I really don't want because the side effects are worse on higher doses.
In the middle of all this I think I did get a tiny glimpse of God's love for me, but it is so hard to go on believing. On top of the general stress of deadlines to meet and son doing his GCSEs (with almost zero revision) we are facing the possible, indeed probable, loss of the Mennonite Centre in Highgate which has been a major second home for us and our church. The likelihood is that it will reopen somewhere else, but maybe not near us. I don't know which is worse: being bereaved unexpectedly, or knowing a bereavement is about to happen but not knowing when. Actually, that describes my whole life at the moment: all I can see ahead is loss.