Categories: news-from-depressionland
Tags: depression, faith, church, mother
Date: 20 September 2009 20:38:21
Looking back at my last entry it really does seem a little ungracious - I can only say, never underestimate the power of a Jewish mother. Even if she is 94 - dear old lady just doesn't describe it. I finally phoned her yesterday and she didn't mention anything about our previous conversation or the fact that I hadn't phoned, so I think she knew she was in the doghouse. We seem to be talking civilly again anyway.
Have just finished reading Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning (whom I believe to have been a Greenbelt speaker in the past). One scary book. I am trying in small ways to practise the kind of trust he recommends. The trouble is, my current inclinations are so bolshie that it is very difficult to trust God, or indeed to feel well-disposed towards God. Church is not a happy experience for me just now, which is such an unusual feeling for me, since I normally love my church, that I don't quite know what to do with it. I shall keep turning up and hoping God does too, as even if I am feeling my faith to be at zero, I do still love being with the people. Even if the depressed voice inside says they all hate me (rationally I know this not to be true, but depression does these things). Off to eat some worms now...