Categories: uncategorized
Date: 13 March 2006 18:07:53
Today, I have had an experience which I can only describe as wrestling with God, (if he is there).
As I described back on day 5 I had an interesting experience with the CU when I was back at uni and I generally didn't buy into what they said. However, there were bits I did kinda buy into and last week I really had a wierd experience when I was reflecting if anyone was in control of the world.
Anyway today I was looking back at yesterdays paper and trying to reconcile what I'd read about Tom Fox and the God he worshipped with the God that the CU people had talked about. I couldn't do it.
It almost seems like there are two versions of the Christian God , one an amazing God who wasn't to be packaged and sold by making people feel bad about themselves but a God who cared and called people to actually do something about making the world a better place. This God seems like hard work to follow, demanding the absolute all but worth it, somehow. A loving God in a messed up world.
Then there is the insurance policy God who seems to be a packaged ticket into the afterlife for those who fit and provides a wonderful social life, where you can keep v.busy doing lots of talking about who's in and who's not and how wonderful life is with God, but actually demands very little (unless you don't quite fit - in which it demands total denial of your way of life or identity). Ok perhaps that is a little strong, but that's always how it seemed to me as we were sitting listening week after week to people telling us how we should live our lives and how those who were sinners needed "saving" so they didn't go to hell.
Anyway today I sat for ages on the thinking bench just thinking trying to figure it out, then I came back to the caravan and just sat for some more time doing more thinking. Don't know why, but suddenly it all seems v.important to figure out.