Categories: uncategorized
Date: 21 July 2008 08:59:14
Just over a year ago I posted this post which explained my reasons for resigning my church membership but intentions to remain an active part of the church.
When I made the decision referred to within it I thought I knew how hard it could be, but I am realising that I had no idea at all really. The trade off I effectively made was keeping my integrity through giving up my "right" to have a say. That's not to say I haven't voiced my opinions on stuff (and unfortunatly not always appropriately), but it has meant I haven't had the automatic right to. Throughout it all though whilst I haven't been a member I have been able to remain a real part of the church.
The church has gone out of its way, at times, to ensure I have known how much they love me as a person. They have also, in their own way, sought to engage with me fully as I am yet remained honest to the interpretation of the gospel they hold. The latest way they have done that is apparently, at the last church meeting, voting through a "love gift" for me, of a quite significant amount.
The way the gift has been termed is quite significant. They are supporting me as a person whom they love and regard as part of the church family rather than giving me anything to support my research or what I regard as my "calling". In doing this they have found their way around all the reasons they were the one group of people I wasn't approaching for funding and around all the reasons it may not have been appropriate to help me out. Infact in doing this they have knowingly ignored everything I had quite vocally said about not wanting support from the church because of x, y and z and just got on with loving me.
The effect of the gift has actually been quite significant in terms of how it means my tuition fees for the first year and a bit are now fully covered from what I have pledged from various sources, if I do the course full time, and so I can now definately take the uni accomodation. (Note that doesn't mean I'm fully there yet, but I'm getting there). The effect on me, as a person, is more significant though. On one hand I have had to face up to doing "being loved" which I actually find quite hard. On the other I have, yet again, experienced the effect of when creative solutions are found to allow everybody to believe what they do but remain part of the one body.
I am going to miss HBBC so much when I go because they are an incredible bunch of people. Yet I am looking to the future. Part of what I want to do with my research is share with the world how these ickle models of church work. I want people to see there are places where conservatives and liberals can and do sit and worship together in love rather than fear. I want people to see that there are places where the household can be diverse, and have their personality clashes and the rest of it but where in the end love will win. Don't get me wrong I'm not talking about wearing rose tinted glasses; everything isn't perfect in these churches, and sometimes people are really hurt by what is said or what is done. Neither is it to say it is an easy process where solutions can always be found, sometimes it seems that whoever holds the power will always win the day, simply because...... However, it does generally work because at the end of the day we are all dysfunctional messed up people in one way or another but we are dysfunctional messed up people who are being bought to fulness, together, through the love and power of the gospel.
N.b. I suppose part of the way creative solutions are found is through having a church full of creative people. Fred is one of our creative, rather liberal, types and has started to blog the wonderful story of Alice .