Categories: uncategorized
Date: 11 November 2006 13:38:45
Over the last few months I have realised that loss (as opposed to grief or death) is one of the last taboos in our society. This is a general post, but I hope it will help people who haven't been there to understand and possibly help break the taboo.
Whilst one does not dwell on these things, unless you really can't cope - in which case the subject will be confined to a counselling or consulting room one presumes - it becomes something which is just there, but never mentioned (carefully side stepped around). There is no space after the initial grief and bereavement to acknowledge it beyond those who are directly involved, without causing embarrassment or without being percieved as needy - there is no normalisation.
There are the fleeting glances, followed by an almost embarrassed looking away - particularly if somebody is mentioning a word like bereavement in your presence. Then there is the acknowlegement that there will be siginificant dates that will need working through, as they will be particularly painful and these are carefully planned around - however, it is in the everyday that the loss is most felt. It is the little things that may trigger a range of feelings & the real sense of loss and lostness - when a child has fallen over and you want advice on whether it's really just a knock or whether you should go chasing to casualty; when work is becoming overwhelming and you need somebody to listen and then come out with a comment which puts it & you well and truly in your place; it is seeing the collector in the street collecting for a significant charity, it is all of these and more.
It is something which is there alongside the triumphs and disappointments of continuing life. It has no higher or lower status - it is simply part of the everyday for a while, that just is and practically all of us, for a while at least at some point in our lives will be experiencing it.