Categories: uncategorized
Date: 09 April 2007 09:20:34
This year, for the first time in a while I did not consciously "do Lent"; there was no giving something up, no following a plan of good intentions. For various reasons my main intention at the beginning was to get through from one end of it to the other.
However in the mist of this, this year I think I really did Lent in a much more intense way than I have before. In many ways my journey through this period was one of the most spiritually challenging times I have been through. During my Lentern journey I have been challenged not by loss of faith but by a new understanding of the difference between faith and "religion". Challenged by the alternative nature and confuddling reality of retaining integrity in a culture that is fragmented and working by a different set of rules. Challenged by the realisation that what I jokingly call "spiritual schizophrenia" (i.e. the clash between my spiky conservative traditional side and more liberal fluffy side) is not actually a balancing of two opposites but rather an authentic type of faith (where both sides need to exist in tension, and both sides are equally wrong and right in places). Challenged by the need to recognise the past and dream about the future in order to help me live the now. Challenged by the fact that I might actually be happy owning the "e" word (particularly as it is increasingly being reclaimed by the progressives). Challenged to recognise the more I learn about it the less my faith makes sense, but the equally the more real it becomes. Challenged by why I believe. Challenged by the artificiality of what seemed like solid ground. Challenged to move out whilst remaining anchored within "the church". Challenged to take the risk of honesty rather than avoidance. Challenged to try and grow in spiritual maturity rather than taking the "safe option".
As I say I have been challenged alot (challenged I believe by God primarily, but also by circumstance and social circle), but the question is now, now that Lent is over and the sun tan lotion and parasoles are replacing the eggs on the shelves whether any of the challenges will result in further action, or whether this has just been another season of indepth wishful thinking? To be honest I don't know; certain things have been set in motion and we'll have to see how significant they end up being.
Which everway though I have a feeling that winter is turning to spring (see point two of this post)because things are changing and new, ickle shoots are starting to emerge. I'll just have to see whether those shoots are strong enough to flower.