Categories: uncategorized
Date: 06 August 2012 13:13:46
It's 10 years this autumn since Mike Yaconelli died, but Messy Spirituality remains one of those books that is well worth reading. I've been going to Greenbelt, (whose daily diary is incidentally available for download today), long enough to know the contents but I'd never read it until this week. If I were a bit more spiritual and still in to looking for co God incidences in every corner I might say that's because God saved it until I needed it.....these days I'm saying it might be that but I don't want to read too much in to stuff.
Whatever, I found it on the bookshelf and it seemed like a nice small book to read on the train. It's a book primarily about acceptance of ones self and of the fact that churches should be by their very nature messy, uncomfortable places. It's a book to help those of us who over the years have found ourselves becoming institutionalised but who don't fit in the institution. It's a book to encourage those of us who I describe as being caught in the grey area of the mixed economy. That is it is a book for those who are "churched" and care about the institution but who in many ways have far more in common with those that "Fresh Expressions" and pioneer ministries and such like are trying to connect with. It's a book for those of us who will never be able to take up Kester Brewin's call to Mutiny! (see my review post here) but may find ourselves agreeing with Dave Tomlinson's assessment that in order to be a better human being you need to be a Bad Christian.
I read it and found myself understanding the "verdict" of the candidating committee a little bit more (for those who don't know what this sentence is referring to but may be interested see this post). Whilst I can do meetings, agendas, public speaking, team work, etc I am not public representative material because I have a messy spirituality: I do make mistakes, suffer from foot in mouth, act on impulse sometimes, I don't understand many of the norms and values which are dominant in churches and to be honest I do have a disregard for a fair number of the ones I do understand. Regular readers will know that I sometimes go off on adventures with God which haven't been authorised by committees and would probably cause unease and discord if they were mentioned.
However the calling/ passion to "something" I have which the committee to some extent also seemed to recognise also comes from that same messy spirituality. Those who read this regularly or know me in real life will also, I hope, know I have a passion for God and those who are made in his image - (that would be everybody), as well as the world around me. I am somebody who wants to engage in mission not through trying to "sell Jesus" but by getting in there and working with others to make the world a better place whether they happen to be Christians or not. I want to help people connect with God who I believe is already there in, with and around them and encourage them as well as learn from them whether they be inside or outside the church. I also believe deeply in the possibility and purpose church has - I love the institution as much as I struggle with it at times.
The candidating journey also partly came out of me finding a home in a land where I was welcome and affirmed as me. At district candidating committee I described how Methodism for me was something I had come to by accident - as a refugee from other denominations and forms of church which couldn't accept the real me being open about who I am. In Methodism I have found a place where my value is established in their written rules and procedures as well as in many of their practices. I have found somewhere I have been released in to life rather than oppressed by fear. * Note here I'm not saying it's perfect and that there isn't room for improvement in those policies and procedures but the denomination itself noted that in its response to a certain government consultation.
Over the last 10 days or so it has felt like I have been revisiting my original homeland. There are a wide range of people and denominations involved in Games Pastors but I have found there the dominant culture to have been quite traditionally evangelical. In many ways it has felt like going back to the late 1980's or early/mid 1990's in terms of a lot of the language being used and the norms and values which appear to be dominant. Whilst I have struggled at times with being back in that environment there has been no pain and I have been able to smile at things which would have previously got me angry. I understand that I am working with brothers and sisters who may be part of the same wider UK Church - (some are from abroad but it is predominantly UK) but who are culturally from a different place to me.
I understand that come the end of the week my visit to them will be over and I will be back where I live.....a world of messy spirituality which confuses and scares many of them as much as their world sometimes confuses and threatens me. Reading Yaconelli's book helped me to appreciate this just a little bit more I think.
Ultimately what clicked most whilst reading the book is that my ultimate calling is to be me....not something or somebody else. I am me....a messy Christian with a messy spirituality. However it works out and what ever form it ends up taking that is what God is calling me to be - me.