Categories: uncategorized
Date: 16 May 2012 12:32:38
The power of a voice which has been silenced and then freed to be heard can sometimes have an amazing impact. I found this at the Durham Christian Partnership training on supporting people affected by domestic abuse. This training was part of their Learning in Partnership projects which are a set of events they run every so often entitled "Supporting People Affected By....". The format for these events is they bring together a range of people including "people affected by..." and organisations to help people from a range of backgrounds (often professionals, church peeps and those from outside either institutional environment) who want to learn more about an issue. An earlier event they have run which I didn't attend related to supporting people affected by dementia.
This morning was primarily facilitated through the work of Derwentside Domestic Abuse Service (DDAS) and included a presentation of a DVD produced by Silent Sisters who the programme describes as "a group of survivors who, having completed a recovery programme with DDAS, formed their own drama group. The DVD was a mix of poetry, narrative autobiography and interview material produced by these women. This is one of the most powerful resources I think I have ever seen presented on any topic anywhere. It contains a group of people powerfully telling their stories in a variety of formats which are simultaneously beautifully poetic, disturbing, empowering and raw.
During the showing of the DVD the sound went and the women came into their own. They were asked if they would be willing to answer some questions to fill the time whilst the organisers were working with the technology. Before saying yes one of the women laid down the ground-rules about how questions should be asked by highlighting some of the problems they have had to face in their interactions with professionals from a range of agencies.....something adapted it seemed on the spot from a presentation they had given previously. They got people out from the audience and asked them incredibly embarrassing questions - of the sort which have to be routinely asked by those working with victims and sometimes survivors. They also highlighted the "haven't got a clue because I've never been there" situation which sometimes occurred through a simple question. Then they put the exercise they had just done in the context of their lives as well as explaining they were survivors not victims and they were ready to talk about their experiences because they need to be heard not silenced. This itself was both powerfully challenging and wonderfully empowering.
One of the things which made these women's words even more empowering for me was the way the space being used for the training related to some of the q&a stuff. They were using a church which I regularly worship in. On a Sunday it houses a congregation which is good at polite silences and not talking about things - something I had even come to appreciate and even defend because through the not talking about things people are sometimes able to get on with things which pushing discussion on might prevent. One of these women who had - it seemed - had negative interactions with Christians and churches realised that this was a space which is essentially just another room - and so just stood up and said it as it was. The person sitting next to her kept doing the gentle nudging thing of "remember you're in church" as she used the language which was appropriate for what she was saying, but perhaps not viewed as the most appropriate for a church building. For me it was an illustration of so much which is wrong with our churches. There are things which need saying; there are things which Christians need to engage with and there are ways of talking about them which are suitable for the people whose voices need to be heard but these may conflict with what are seen as appropriate topics for discussion or ways of talking about things if we want to ensure the church is a place of harmony and unity rather than of truth telling. The nudge of "be careful we're in a church" I think often becomes a stronger influence on us than "this is a truth which needs telling".
Note here I am not saying anything goes and all ways of voicing the truth are always appropriate - I believe there is discretion to be used. The women using their voices had learnt how to use their voices appropriately and to handle the emotions which go alongside appropriately as they were speaking - (and the latter point is what I think is sometimes missing when people get into telling their stories).
Today I was inspired by a group of survivors who were amazing and that's what I want to end by saying - especially as groups like DDAS are having to continue to fight to keep funding for the vital work they do.
(*note whilst this has all been female gendered they were clear to point out that men are often victims of domestic abuse too and that in this country there are only 4 refuges for men escaping from domestic violence - none of them north of Nottingham).