Categories: uncategorized
Date: 23 April 2012 14:45:26
Some of you may have gathered, and others of you may have been told that the outcome of my recent candidating adventure wasn't a simple no. That would have been far too un-complicated ;) . The reality of the situation was the standing order which would have stopped me re-candidating for another two years was dropped and I was told I could re-candidate this coming year if I had wish. Basically I was given more time to discern whether my calling was to the Methodist Diaconal Order or not because what came out of the whole process was a conclusion which said "the Committee saw glimpses of 'what might be' but there were reservations (which existed on both sides) about what currently was there in terms of calling - particularly to "public representative ministry". At the same time I did show a clear evidence of a calling that was "particularly alongside the marginalised and in areas of social and political action".
Since I got that verdict I have been clear that the conclusions reached were exactly the right ones and the committee had fully discerned God in this. It was interesting that they had discerned the same things as the district committee but come to different conclusions on them - although in the end it all culminated in the same question mark. It's been the question mark I've actually found hardest in all this - I wanted a simple yes or know about the calling and haven't gotten it. There had been a lot of fretting going on in my mind, as a result of the dropping of the standing order as to whether I would candidate again or not. I wanted God to come along and v. clearly and audibly say "you are called to diaconal ministry in the MDO" or "you are not called to diaconal ministry as expressed by the MDO" rather than leaving me with this thing of you are called to something which diaconal ministry, as expressed by the MDO, probably best describes and is nearest to but which may not be the exact thing you are called to.
Yesterday I had a clear explanation of what is going on and I was able to discern clearly that whilst the MDO best fits what I am called to it isn't quite it and I have to carry on wandering around in the wilderness until God clearly says "this is it" - this is what your experience on Iona in 2006 where I so clearly called you was all about.
Now, to be clear this wasn't in something direct from somebody who knew about the situation - it was in a sermon which spoke to me more clearly than any individual conversations on the matter have. Within this sermon the minister spoke about God giving a clear vision, but not explaining how to get there. Moses was told the job he had was to get his people to the promised land - but he wasn't given a clear route of how to get there, although God did lead him clearly at various points.
The minister who neither TOH or me had spoken to on the matter said there is not divine Tom Tom (sat nav) which God would be using to let us know exactly where we should be going. This sent TOH into fits of giggles because unbeknown to me last Thursday at a meeting attended by nobody from the church the sermon was in he had explicitly prayed that God would make it clear to me that there was no Sat Nav for me to follow. The sermon then went on to explain (i) that God often leaves us wandering around in the wilderness and (ii) the Holy Spirit often guides through intuition. He gave the illustration of The Voice, when Will I Am had to choose the final act and everybody thought he was crazy not to choose the good singer (who seemed the obvious choice) but then his "gut feeling" had been right and an amazing act came along to complete his team. I'd heard that on that bit of the voice on i-player when Third Party had it on and so totally got this illustration.
As I say God spoke to me clearly through this sermon - the MDO seemed right, but somehow there was this nudging feeling everybody had which said there was something not quite the right thing about this despite me, as was put to me along the way "having the right skills set" and having "some kind of clear calling to something".
Therefore, unless God comes back with something which clearly indicates my conclusion is wrong I won't be candidating for the MDO (at least not for the foreseeable future). In terms of where that leaves me and what I should be doing....we will have to wait and see. God hasn't left me alone in the desert and we will have to see what happens next in my wanderings.
As I indicated though this is a journey - which has had various mile stones and times of clearly hearing God's voice within it. This coming Sunday I reach a milestone which I would like to invite anybody in the area at a loose end to. I am one of the local preachers getting accredited at a service this coming Sunday evening at 6pm at North Road Methodist, in Durham. All are welcome.