Categories: uncategorized
Date: 07 June 2007 20:02:57
Today I found something as rare as rocking horse droppings - a proper English theology book which acknowledges lone parents in church congregations exist - Theology and Families by Adrian Thatcher. Also got another book which atleast made passing mention of my chosen topic, Intelligent Church: a journey towards Christ-centred community by Steve Chalke.
Reading through both of these on the train home I was struck yet again by the difference between the message of the texts and what I have found through listening to lone parents who have / are having positive experiences within church congregations.
Both Chalke and Thatcher talk on some level about churches needing to take an inclusive approach towards single parents (Chalke p39 and Thatcher p136). However, the way in which they do this and word it clearly treats lone parents and lone mothers, in particular, as "the other". They are both clearly coming from an assumption that lone parents are not likely to be part of "us", i.e. the church or the readership and as a result end up being at best patronising and at worse offensive.
The Chalke passage (p39) says "An inclusive church will not be made up only of people who have life sorted. Instead it will almost certainly include drug users, alcoholics, people with mental health problems, the homeless, the unemployed, single mothers, ex-convicts, prostitutes and so on". - It appears the underlying assumption here that the reader and general church will "have life sorted" and "single mothers" won't.
Thatcher(p136) takes a slightly different tack and argues if we "the church" promote marriage it will benefit the single mother with children who he says "is doubly committed to her child or children., trying to be both mother and father to them, and placing them and their needs before her own. These are heroic examples of commitment, often requiring emotional, economic and physically exhausting self-sacrifice which ought to be honoured by churches, even as they are honored by the father of all." Again he has this underlying assumption that lone parents are hard done by. In this case effectively arguing we are likely to be shattered, skint and undervalued by our churches - therefore different to other parents.
What my, admittedly very limited, research has been showing is that single parents exist quite happily in churches and are included. Also it shows they will all have a range of needs and these are often the same types of needs as others within the church, not just those to whom a similar label is applied. True inclusion occurs not when lone parents are labelled as such but when a church just treats everybody in the church as individuals who have their own needs and stories, and as a community of people who are all of equal worth to God. In this situation the needs of x as a person are recognised and dealt with, whether x happens to be married with 2 kids, a lone parent, an elderly person who has never married or whatever. The reaction to their needs, (spiritual, emotional and physical) and the inclusion of that person is based solely on their being a Child of God who is loved for who they are.
In this case people have their needs met as a natural result of being in relationship with others. From my limited research this appears to happen most appropriately if somebody is within a homegroup, which is made up of a group of individuals with differing social characteristics. It is not as likely to happen if somebody is labelled as a "single parent" and presumed to have a set of issues which may not apply to them or if reactions to them are based upon those presumptions.
Again if anybody can direct me towards any texts that back up my conclusions, or talk about the benefits of churches (particularly with homegroups) operating in the way just described I would be really greatful if you would visit my comments section.