Categories: uncategorized
Date: 30 July 2007 10:18:29
Winter had turned into spring and I had gotten fed up living in hell and so decided to start clambering out of the hole I was in. It was at this point I discovered that whilst "smiley professionals" are apparently good to talk to the person who really changes things is you. To do this you need to take risks and start dreaming, and then take every bit of help you can get in order to achieve those dreams, whilst not becoming dependant on others.
Firstly, I decided to merge route map a with route map b and apply to uni. Now I had no idea what I was doing with this and just applied to both the uni's which were easy to commute to. Unsurprisingly the red brick (or rather grey tower block) uni I applied to turned me down but the former poly gave me a conditional offer.
Next, and without planning to, I left my ex. It kind of happened one day, that I over reacted to something I discovered and decided that enough was enough. I just upped and left, staying with friends for a while before I managed to get a room at the local YWCA.
After a while I started to put the incident that had made me leave into perspective, but I also realised it was part of a bigger mess which needed to be dealt with. So with the support of some wonderful people my husband (at the time) and I started to rebuild our relationship. We lived seperately for a while and rebuilt both ourselves individually and as a couple.
Mid August arrived from somewhere and after a summer where I had learnt to breathe and laugh again like I hadn't for sometime the results came through. I had not done well; bearing in mind the madness involved in my life during that academic year and the fact I was trying to study two subjects at evening class whilst working full time this shouldn't have really been a shock but it was. I was set on going to uni & now that looked like a distant dream.
However, I wasn't going to give up on my escape plan that easily and so I entered that experience they call clearing where you sit and phone round until somebody says yes we will offer you a place. Now I wasn't stupid by this point I had worked out institutions of higher education and lower league former poly's were where my future lay (if indeed it lay within that world which is H.E.) and so as I sat with Independant in one hand, phone in the other and a guide of universities precariously on my lap I began my search.
As I phoned round I discovered if I had been 6 months older getting a place would have been easier because I would have hit the magic 21, but as it was I was 20 with a poor set of results and getting used to the words, "I'm sorry we can't offer you anything." Then I reached somebody who said "we may be able to offer you a place on a Combined Studies course, you could do Sociology as minor subject, but Economics would have to be your major - although you might be able to swap them around when you get here." At this point my heart froze as I thought back to waking up, realising I had nodded off in the Ecomics lessons at 6th form, but I was desperate. This was my ticket out of Tractor Land, my chance to start afresh, so I accepted the offer.
As for the rebuilding the relationship thing, this was the crunch moment...did he stay or did he go? I ws still at the YWCA and it would have been quite easy for me just to go from there to uni and draw a line under things. Surprisingly, he opted for the move from a reasonable flat in Tractor Land (which was comfortable, even if it was in an interesting area) for bed sits in Uni Land.
So what are the lessons learnt from all this?
1. Even if you are an older student making an independent UCAS application get some help and advice with it.
2. You hold the power to make the choices to help yourself. Yes other people can help you sort your head out a bit, but the only person who can change things is you and changing things involves taking risks.
3. Use every available piece of help you're entitled to. I got the place at the YWCA because, realising even as an evening class student I was entitled to use them, I had gone and spoken to the welfare person at the college who was able to find me the room there.
4. Don't leave without an idea of where you're going unless you have to. Finding friends to put you up isn't a good experience, whilst they may be happy to so for a short while it feels awkward.
5. If you flunk your A Levels decide how badly you want that place at uni. Always phone your choices first to check they won't take you and then phone round other places offering the same course. Only if you can't get on a chosen course would I advise you think about whether you are going to take anything or whether you're going to wait a year and resit.
If you decide to take anything, be realistic about your strengths and weaknesses, there is no point taking something you'd hate. Taking anything should only really mean widening your horizons, in my case it meant looking at Combined Studies, which only contained an element of what I wanted to do.
6. Don't give up the first time you face rejection if you really want to follow this dream. I was on the phone for a few hours before I found my place.
7. Running away doesn't generally solve problems, facing up to them and dealing to them does. Whilst this is likely to be scary and painful it's worth it. However, it is better if you can ensure you are living in what you consider to be a safe space whilst you face up to and deal with "stuff".