Categories: uncategorized
Date: 21 July 2011 12:34:23
This blog has been going nearly 7 years and it has seen alot of changes referred to in that time. Looking at my faith journey it has seen a total transformation. Back in October 2004, in my 5th post I wrote:
" it was back to "formal church" this morning, from which I've been taking a break whilst exploring.
Strange experience, not sure if it was positive or not, particularly as I know the last few Sunday mornings definitely have been positive and this morning I felt a whole load of "stuff".
The content of the 7 years blogging shows how far life has come in the time since then. One of the key things for me has been the way the geographical move to the North East a few years ago changed my spiritual life and transformed my experience of church. In May 2009 I articulated some of this in a post called "Moving into Methodism"
Within this post I posted some of the testimony had given at church that morning. It said, "This encounter with Methodism has enabled me to dump an awful lot of baggage and get back to being focused on God in worship. So as I move into taking this latest step on the journey I just want to encourage you by saying God really has used you and your witness here to bless me over the last few months. I’m becoming a member of the Methodist church because I want to grow in faith, worshipping, serving and journeying in connection with you and with God…witnessing to his love for our rather messy world."
I have realised as I have gone on though that it is not an encounter with Methodism generally I was describing but the expression of it within a specific context and set of relationships, particularly within the local church. Part of that involved going through the EDEV course, which again I posted about - this time in October 2009. Two very relevant paragraphs which described my journey and the way God used EDEV on it were:
"As the weeks went on I discovered that EDEV was more about facilitating and equipping you with tools and information to do your own exploring and journeying with God. There was an emphasis on reflection and discernment and thinking stuff through with God using the bible. For me a session we did looking at approaches to theological reflection was unbelievably useful. That was the session where I first encountered the Methodist Quadrilateral and the idea that you use scripture, reason, tradition and experience, with experience having an emphasis on the importance of our own experience of God’s grace working in our own lives. I have to say I think that if I had to identify any moment in the last year when God had released grace or healing into my life that would be it. Suddenly my experience was something that was not to be seen as something uncomfortable and a cause of dissonance and the root of my dis-ease with church. Rather it was something which could be reflected upon, with the other parts of the quadrilateral. Suddenly I found I didn’t have to view my experience as oppositional to scripture and tradition, and have reason as the referee in the middle trying to keep me sane when I found I couldn’t square the circle. Rather I could reflect using all four elements and it was ok to believe that God has made me who I am totally and that my experiences of him might just be as legitimate as other peoples. This section also validated the decision to do the research and gave me a new confidence that I might not be insane, rather I really might have been taken on this mad journey by God. A key part of the reflection also involved looking at our gifts and skills (and being honest about what they were). It actually gave us ways to do this rather than just saying “identify them”.
Moving on we delved deeper into the bible, looking at how God spoke to people within the scriptures. This got me back to some stories I had too often ignored. The more I looked the more I saw that not only did most of these people say, “me God, no God, can’t do that God” they were all rather human and messed up people. They had infirmities, they had pasts and they all had labels. This was important because it bought me to a point where I came before God with my list of “excuses” as to why I wasn’t a good enough Christian to do x,y or z within any church community. As I looked at my excuses within the light of scripture I found that if the reasons I were giving were legitimate nothing would ever have happened for Gods people. Being a queer, mouthy, single mum who has a habit of making mistakes actually meant I was exactly the type of person God sometimes uses. Eeek….that was another turning point, I couldn’t use the labels or not being good enough as an excuse anymore."
I don't want to sound like I am dissing previous churches, because I'm not. HBBC particularly was important to me, as my post in August 2008 when I left revealed. It was a place of transformation for me too, and an important part of my journey. It was also "family" in a far stronger way than my current church is.
"It’s a church which 8 years ago started a journey with a young lady who was new in town and, at that point, had got to the stage of thinking it was easier to be rejected by the church for being a bit obnoxious than allowing herself to fully belong and then getting to the stage of being rejected for any other reason that might emerge. Instead of rejecting or marginalising her they simply loved the heck out of her and her young daughter helping the faith of both develop. They welcomed her into the church household and allowed her to basically “grow up and get a life”. As such that, now not so young, lady will be eternally greatful to God for leading her to that church and to the ministers and people she has encountered there."
The thing I want to highlight and which comes out of something which I was discussing with others at Book Group yesterday is that for me church really has been a space of transformation. It has not always been a comfortable experience but it has been one which, through God's Holy Spirit, has been a totally transforming experience in my life. In the end whilst at times I do find it frustrating it God has shown me that church, if we are not tied by it, can be a liberating experience. It's interesting for me - and helpful at the moment - that I know this and can accurately chart my journey through the blog posts I have written.
It has been a pleasure to share and be supported through the transformation by you guys too. In many ways the Wibsite community have been "church" too for me - we have supported each other in prayer and encouraged each other in faith when the going has gotten tough and shared in each others life experiences. This "virtual environment" which is very real, has also been one of the spaces of transformation for me - something I realise. God has taken me on a journey that has not compartenmentalised my life in the way I tend to. He has been working with my total self in all spheres and continues to do so. I think it is good to recognise though what the positive spaces have been - even if sometimes they have been difficult.
So today, at the end of this post which I know is way too long, I just want to give special thanks and tribute to (i) God - because he has been the one ultimately transforming my life, (ii) my family which has changed shape and size during the journey, (iii) my churches and (iv) you guys, particularly "regulars" who have been here all the way through.