Categories: uncategorized
Date: 19 June 2011 03:07:14
Apparently David Cameron is saying "run away" dads should be ostracised like drink drivers. This is the article. *=edited comments after reading article itself.
He makes a range of points including, apparently:
"He said fathers must make the decision to support "financially and emotionally" their children even if they have separated from their mothers – spending time with at weekends, attending nativity plays and "taking an interest in their education"." Within the article he also talks of "heroic single mothers".
I am going to explain what my response is to Cameron's words and why I believe they illustrate both a desire for good values and positive involvement but also realate to a political agenda based on a misunderstanding of the facts about single parenting.
Firstly, whilst the majority of single parents are female, not all are. By using these gendered terms Cameron further marginalises and makes invisible those "heroic single fathers". This article is adding to the misconception that women are all angels whilst men are all devils. This is relevant because it is the assumption which leads on to provision becoming gendered as it is with domestic violence.
Secondly, he misses the point that in some cases fathers want to put the emotional investment in to their children but for various reasons, some legitimate and more, I think, related to issues that lead to the break down of relationship, it is the mother stopping the father making that emotional investment. Alot of court cases, as Fathers for Justice, showed were involving mothers - for whatever reason- trying to stop the parent seeing the child. This is by no means always the case, some fathers are irresponsible. However, I think it is an aspect which Cameron is ignoring.
Thirdly, there are a range of loaded assumptions made in the "weekend" and "nativity play" comments. Firstly, it is assumed that the father will not be working at the weekend. For alot of retail jobs and call centre jobs this is not the case. Secondly, there assumes a local element. Geographical mobility is a fact for alot of people. That means for various families it is the "holiday" involvement which works. Also if the child(ren) spend alot of time in childcare because of mum working the weekend may be the time she has major involvement.
Forthly, the comments made regarding marriage within the article, aswell as the ones made earlier show how this article relates to the wider New Right thinking on the issue and the assumptions made regarding single parenthood being something that relates to the underclass. The variation on the theme and the reason that The Telegraph hales Cameron's comments as a world away from the Tories previous thinking on single parents is the "heroic single mum" bit. In this Cameron is seeking to distance himself from Murray's underclass thesis whilst still essentially holding and promoting it. Even, Murry himself does this to some extent by trying to put in caveats that "not all single mothers" can be tarred with the same brush type comments - (I paraphrased what he says).
*The article does support this hypothesis because in it Cameron talks of the way getting fathers back involved in this way will save the tax payers money due to the way single parenthood leads to higher crime rates, etc.
Another point, and excuse me if this is slightly wonky - I am writing this at silly o'clock having awoken from migraine induced sleep, is that it fails to recognise their may be good reasons for the absent parent not being involved. In seeking to make this blanket statement Cameron is failing to recognise the issues of domestic violence and so forth where the involvement of the absent parent is positively dangerous.
Cameron is also painting a picture which is based on assumptions that these people will have money. Many don't, and are on low incomes, this means if they are making regular payments they may not have anywhere to take the children when they see them. If they do the choices they make may be limited. This may make the child resentful of seeing the father and damage the relationship rather than building it up.
There is also the issue of second, (or even third), families. Unfortunately we don't live in the ideal society and there are issues regarding blended families and the financial stesses and emotional stresses that can bring.
Don't get me wrong though I think emotional and financial involvement is important and I am grateful that Third Party has benefitted from these from her absent father. However, as I say I don't think in making the comments as he has that Cameron understands the reality of single parenthood for many people, both male and female. It is not simple and my final comment is that because things are sometimes not as they seem to the outside world this could lead to men and women having assumptions made about them which are not true.
Oh and please don't refer to me as some "heroic single mother" you are likely to get a verbal knee capping. I am a parent who is doing the job with the difficulties that brings. Some of those difficulties are the same as for two parent families and some are different. Two parent married families face a host of difficulties I don't and nobody tends to call them "heroic".
* He ends by talking about celebrating the responsibilities we have on fathers day. I agree with this, but believe in being able to do this it is important to celebrate the freedoms we have to which are what lead to the responsibilities. Increasingly it's like Fat and Frantic once said,"Freedom is a sweet word, I heard it and my spirit lept, but when I came to taste it I found that freedom is only true if you're a Barclaycard carrying member of the free." (or something like that - it's been a few years). In order to deal with this and ensure that our children are able to celebrate both their fathers need to be supported not verbally beaten and criticised or ostrichised and put into a prison of conformity where responsibility gets confused with docile obedience and stereotypes. Fatherhood is a creative act which is amongst the most valuable gifts God gives us. Let us celebrate all that it brings including the responsibility.