Categories: uncategorized
Date: 01 February 2011 15:10:16
I want to be a "nice" Christian who doesn't cause a fuss. I am the sort to be convinced that making a fuss is sort of inappropriate, but then every so often I get challenged.
Yesterday I got challenged via a comment on a previous post and by my reading from Matthew (21:1-17). Today the challenging continued in my NT reading (Matt 21:18-32).
The comment on the post directed me to this post by Megan entitled "Pro-LGBT Christians take back your religion!" The readings were about Jesus in the temple turning over the tables, (yesterday), and the cursing of the fig tree and parable of the two sons (today). Jesus got angry about oppression and the marginalisation of people through the misuse of power and scripture by the religious elite amongst other things....but I want to sit on the fence and "play nice".
Part of the reason I want to play nice is fear aswell as respect. The very self-defence that Megan talks of gay people feeling is what I feel as a Christian. I know what it is to feel condemed as a "fundamentalist" even though I am not remotely, and the suprise elicited when I start to speak and simply be me - particularly when I used to go to an "evangelical Baptist" church. I equally know the reaction Megan talks of as a gay person. Where I come from is a position which seeks to negotiate the path through both reactions.
TOH and I have been discussing the future direction my life might be going in soon and I have to be honest it scares me. I know that there are areas where mine and TOH's relationship will not be looked on favourably and the disension of just one church or group from a church in a circuit could cause major problems, (I know this because I have heard others talk of such issues). I know that as a local preacher I am already caught up in this in a low level way because part of my first "conversation" (read inquisition to see if I'm suitable) involves me discussing my call and God used a LGBT retreat as part of that call and my sexual orientation was the main part of why I had kept saying no to God and thought it was all impossible. Yet, I know whilst some not all of those there will be aware of my sexual orientation and I don't want to cause problems. Thus, I am already faced with do I take the "don't ask, don't tell" route. Yet, as the speeches around the ending of this damaging policy in relation to the US military show this is not a "good option" and it further plays into exactly the situation Megan talks about.
I know the neo-Marxist theory which tells me I am currently being allowed to do things because the church is allowing me that level of freedom, but where the boundaries lie are fully in their hands. I know I am not truly liberated. Yet....and this is the thing....Christianity as a religion involves submission as well as a fight for liberation. Then again, though, TOH has pointed out this logic is the one which allowed elements of the church to keep black South Africans enslaved through aparthied for so many years.
Where does this leave me/ us? I don't know, but I do know I need to know the answers. I need to have worked out where I stand on the issues and what my own positions will be - certainly by the autumn. I need to decide when I would/ will keep silent and when I would/ will speak out. I need to decide which battles are worth fighting and plan my strategy in advance. But then again I know within scripture it talks of praying for the Spirit to give you the words.
Where does that leave me? I honestly don't know at the moment. But I do know that I have a God who understands the turmoil of emotions and who cares for everybody.
Job (19:1 - 24:25) has been carrying on. The conclusions being reached today is that life is mixed.
Yesterday the other reading was Psalm 18:1-6 which encouraged through suffering and today it was Proverbs 3: 21-35. The Proverbs reading can be paraphrased in a way which says, "live in a way which helps people today not tomorrow whenever possible".
Um, looks like I'm back to wrestling and struggling with the journey. If you are one of the merry band who know a bit more about the journey I'm on I'd really appreciate your prayers right now as I seek to work out where God wants me to go with this stuff.