Trying to snatch the silence

Date: 21 November 2010 13:56:39

I was directed to watch the Big Silence, because it was a resource somebody thought would fit in with where my own thinking was going and so using i-player I did. It's no longer on i-player but through the Worth Abbey site I discovered it's now on You Tube and so you can watch it if you wish. There are also some links to tips on building meditation into your own life.

Watching the programme I was struck by one of the participants, Trish, who was earnestly trying to engage with the enrichment of silence but struggling terribly to find space. At the end of the journey she was told, basically, she was trying to hard and needed to learn from her husband and how he naturally built in time to be him around the busy life.

The reason I think I was so struck by Trish was because I could identify with her. Last month I decided to try silence through a monthly meditation activity at St. Antonys Priory. This month I was going to go back again but that Saturday morning was the only time that week I could fit in the required trip to the laundry. In terms of trying to find more time for silence I was struggling. I knew/ know it will benefit me but between the demands of work (I have more teaching again at the moment), the course, Third Party, TOH and the various "odd bits" I do it's been hard to find some time. I have been sitting looking at my schedule wondering how.

But there in lies the problem. I am wanting to schedule silence to achieve the goal of doing it in the hope it will give me something deeper and enrich my spiritual life. I am trying to snatch the silence rather than settle in it, if that makes sense. It is in a way a sign of a bigger problem at the moment in my life...one which emerges from time to time....finding the balance.

I am a driven person who focuses on tasks, schedules and goals. I want to "achieve" in my spiritual life as much as any other area, but I know this is not what it is about. Some of you will know that I have been, over the last year or so, discovering more and thinking generally about the Methodist Diaconal Order as an organisation and considering if one day I might be called to candidate to that ministry.

Their rule of life is interesting it says:

"Devotional Life
We endeavour to:

Attend worship regularly, especially Holy Communion.

set aside time each day to read the Bible devotionally and to pray, including a time of intercession for members of the Order.

regularly set aside time for self-examination, a chance to look back and see where we have failed in loving God and our neighbours and to give thanks for blessings received.

find a spiritual director/companion, who will accompany, help and affirm us, and make time each year for a Retreat or Quiet Day.

Discipline
We endeavour to:

be sensitive to the needs of those close to us, our families, dependents and friends.

be aware of and relate to, the community in which we live.

acknowledge and enjoy God's gifts to us of time, talents, money and possessions and through God's grace be able stewards of these.

order the rhythm of each day, month and year, to allow for study and relaxation, weekly day off, regular holiday.

attend Convocation (unless a dispensation is granted).

participate in the life of area groups wherever possible and attend meetings.

keep in contact with other members of the Order by giving or receiving of fellowship and support, by visits, letter or telephone."

This approach to both personal and devotional life is not one where silence or family life are snatched. Rather it is an approach which seeks to intentionally live a rhythm of life which allows for these aspects aswell as "work" type doing.

Getting a handle on this, aswell as big questions about whether I am called to come out of "traditional work" into this type of ministry eventually are things I am wrestling with and will continue to wrestle with for a while. But they are things I am taking seriously. Even if that doesn't end up being the path I take because of either my own or the churches view of what my calling is or isn't I think aspects of the rule are good to consider and wrestle with..not as a task but as a consideration of how I treat myself and those who God has given me to love and be loved by.