Categories: uncategorized
Date: 08 November 2007 07:03:40
Whilst I hate the term there is a "closet" which I was firmly shut into for many years. Over the last few years the door has gradually opened and I have started to peek out and nudge myself forward out into the light beyond it, in very small steps. This venturing out slowly and at my own pace has been possible, largely, because whilst I've moved forward on the journey of coming to terms with my orientation (and the relationship between that and my faith) and started to look for possibilities I am still very firmly single.
There are situations in which I am very definately still in the closet with the door bolted from the inside. It's not normally because of a fear that people's reaction may be negative towards me, but rather I really can't face having to discuss with people who don't really get the "religious" bit of my life how the two interact. I have already been in too many situations where the fact, just like secular people,I like a drink and like to have a laugh can confuddle people who have a stereotypical view of Christians, and Baptists particularly, as tea-total kill joys. Also the closet door is firmly closed in some cases because I am in a situation where there is no need to visit that part of the house; and who I happen to fancy or not is not relevent to that situation or my interactions with that group of people.
There are situations I'm in though where the closet door is open to some, but not others. And other situations when the door is visibly open but it's just never been discussed because it's easier not to go there, and again there is usually no need. Generally, this is fine apart from when some people ignore the concept of a closet door and in a situation where I am both "out" and "not out" make a comment which almost assumes that the door is open to everybody. I am sure that this when it happens is generally accidental or done with good reason, but in someways I find it difficult as it takes my "coming out" out of my control and the pace of the process is not what I would choose. It happened last night in housegroup and all I could think to say was "moving along swiftly let's pray". I'm really not sure if that was the best response, but as we then ended the prayer session saying the grace to each other with joined hands I think it may have been a reasonable one.
What I would like to end by saying though is thanks to those people who've been supporting me as I've been making that journey.