Categories: uncategorized
Date: 23 February 2010 08:51:21
I know I've blogged regularly about stuff, but I am conscious I've been careful of late to try and avoid bringing in too much of what's going on in life. This comes partly from a comment my dad made which made me realise that my readership has changed, and sort of expanded very slightly. The stats also show me I don't get a huge number of readers but that I do get enough to mean, "it's not just the usual crew".
Yet, for me the purpose of this blog is still to share my journey. Yes that will involve sharing information and thoughts, but it also involves sharing bits of life and what's going on. A number of you guys, particularly those who blog on here aswell and who I've gotten to know over the last 4 or 5 years are one of my "support groups" in a very real way. Also I know for those back in The Bay this blog is a way of keeping in touch since I moved and a few people occassionally visit for that purpose. So today I'm going to give a bit of an update.
Third Party - "the issue" continues and we are now waiting for the next appointment in the process in a couple of weeks time. In the meantime she is home with a pile of revision books and the school VLE. We are also still looking into the whole sixth form thing and so prayers for her would be v. much appreciated.
Job Hunting - I am searching. I have some applications out, mainly for teaching jobs. By Easter I shall have a clearer idea if any of these are going to come to anything. In the meantime, as I say still searching the adverts for teaching jobs and for lay worker/ voluntary sector jobs.
Research - It's plodding along. I can't say much more than that. I am giving a talk to a bunch of women theology students I study with on Thursday and I think this will give me a clearer indication of where I actually am. As a student I am constantly of the view, "I haven't done enough" but TOH, (who is preparing to submit her PHD), tells me it's what every post-grad thinks and I am doing ok workwise.
Faith Stuff - God is taking me on an adventure into new spaces at the moment. He is stretching me and at the moment I am finding myself in a time of doing new things. Some of this involves going well and truly out of my comfort zone. Last Sunday I did my first whole service and discussion is now of my "trial service". The beginning of March sees Streetlights starting, and us going through the early stage on the streets prior to the full launch in June. Next week I am going exploring my journey a bit in Birmingham whilst Methsoc head off to Holy Island on retreat. There's also a few other "bits" happening. Have to say at the moment it really does feel like God is releasing me into a new stage of my faith journey and it's scary, but also feels very right.
TOH- we've been going out 6 months this weekend. They've been 6 wonderful, but challenging months in many ways. Not least because having a partner has meant my wrestling with the relationship between faith and sexuality has taken on a more practical and less hypothetical form. This has actually been good for me, and I think I have finally come to peace on this. The last bit of this post is going to briefly unpack that.
Those who are regular readers or who know me in real life and my faith journey will know I have spent a good few years wrestling with the relationship between my faith and sexuality. I was in a position where I felt God "calling" me in some way, whilst I was aware of my sexuality and the debates in the church about the LGB community. The result of this was I felt I had to be single and that I had to keep clear of doing anything within church which might be problematic because I was gay. This meant I kept to chairs and washing up because these were "safe" activities, aswell as things I actually do enjoy doing. Occasionally people would push me out of this zone, and make suggestions that my gifts might not just be for these things, but I would always want to laugh/scream at them didn't they get it.
Anyway as time has gone on and I have found myself mixing with LGB Christians more regularly both locally and in wider contexts I have become aware of how the expression of sexuality is in many ways like alcohol. Alcohol and the expression of sexuality are not bad, but they do need to be used in a responsible way or else they can be very harmful. For sexual activity this means I believe that relationships have to be within a monogomous, loving, non-oppressive, enhancing context where both partners are equal, even if they bring different things to that relationship. Within this context Christians who share each others faith should learn to grow closer by sharing every aspect of their lives including spirituality. My relationship with TOH has been positive for me in a huge range of ways. Being able to give and recieve love in a range of ways has enhanced my life and seen me grow.
One area I have had to work through is what being in a relationship means about my faith and how it is expressed. I have come to realise that aslong as I am living a life of integrity and following biblical principles of commitment, faithfulness and love and am in good conscience about the resolutions and so forth which relate to sexuality in the spaces I am working then being gay and Chrisitan is not as problematic as it may have previously appeared. Through moving out of a position of fear to one where I stop saying "no" to various involvement in the church I believe I am "called" to, (like the local preaching), has enabled me to grow spirituality. I have come to peace being in a position of being me, with integrity; gay and Christian. I respect others with differing views and so appreciate the need to be discreet on occassion, but not deny who I am if I am asked, etc. At the end of the day if somebody with appropriate authority turns round and says, "sorry, you can't do/ need to stop doing x,y or z because of your sexuality" there will be a sense of sadness, but I will take it that at this time that is not the right place for me to be. I will still have other opportunities to serve in other ways. Taking this attitude is what enables me to live and serve with integrity and removes the "fear" element.