Categories: uncategorized
Date: 23 December 2007 14:09:20
The question is always do we do "it" before or after the official one?
Well, in our house when it works we like do "it" on the Sunday before when we can incorporate Chrimbo services into the proceedings.
What is "it", well "it" is actually Christmas.
At this point some of you may be wondering what I am on about, Christmas is quite obviously on this coming Tuesday. Well, in the world of split families where parents live in different geographical locations and so Christmas Day itself can't be split it's not quite that simple.
Third Party tends to spend Christmas Day properly in Tractor Land with her dad and the part of her family which she doesn't live with. This is something I actually feel is quite important as Christmas is generally a happy time and I think it is so important she builds a bank of really happy memories with the family she doesn't see so often. It does however mean we have to be a bit fluid and creative on the whole celebrating of Christmas down here.
I am not sure if anybody reading will find this useful but here are the top 5 tips I have picked up over the last decade on managing Christmas in a lone parent household:
1. Remember the 25th December is in many ways just a date. Christmas can be celebrated on any day around here.
2. Competing over prezzies is not worth the hassell or potential debt. Fact one partner may well have a lower level of disposable income than the other. Your child will not love you any more or less because of the size of the present you get them. What matters is the quality of life they recieve over the other 364 days of the year.
3. If you are not spending Christmas day with your child it is important to reassure them that you will be having a good time without them and whilst they will be missed you won't be miserable. The last thing a child who is having to deal with a potentially awkward situation wants is to feel guilty about actually enjoying Chrimbo away from you. You want them to enjoy Christmas not to worry about you.
4. Ensure that they are clear on what your values are regarding Christmas and its meaning but also discuss the fact other people have different values and celebrate in different ways. That means that what they are experiencing elsewhere isn't wrong but it might be different. Again they shouldn't feel guilty for partaking in alternative forms of celebration but everybody should be clear about what the child personally feel comfortable doing and why.
5. If they come back full of the wonder of what happened at the ex's be happy they had a good Christmas. Keep your bitchy comments and disapproval of aspects of what they were doing for a girly (or if you are a bloke blokey) evening with a friend when the children are well out of earshot. You don't want to spoil the memories of their childhood and make them reluctant to enjoy Christmas in the future.
Note: I'm not saying any of the above is easy and we all slip into doing the complete opposite sometimes but all in all when you can take the above approach it makes life far easier for everybody.