Categories: spiritual-journey
Tags: Religion
Date: 30 October 2009 07:39:26
Last night we had a rounding off service for EDEV. A couple of weeks ago I posted an indepth reflection on this and so I'm not going to repeat myself. However, I did want to reflect a bit on the endings and beginnings which were involved for me last night.
It was obviously the end of the course, the ending of a series of evenings which have stretched me more than I ever imagined they might. It was also the ending of my "transition period" from one denomination into another. Finally, I hope, it was my ending of looking back with a tinge of sadness. My Baptist experiences were generally wonderful and I value them greatly because without them I would certainly not have the faith I have today and I would not be the person I am today. However, sometimes I have looked back and thought "what if?"...."what if I had been in a different tradition? Would the tensions I felt within myself and regarding the interplay between my faith and my sexuality have been less intense and perhaps less damaging to my self-esteem? To be honest, looking around at the experiences of a range of people from a range of traditions I doubt it. I am now at a place where I can, I hope, lay the ghosts of the past to rest in order to hold onto the precious memories I have of those times.
Therefore, today, the first day after the end of EDEV marks a kind of new beginning in my spiritual journey. It is not a significant day but it is the day when, to a certain extent, I start putting the lessons learnt during that brief but significant part of my journey into action. It is when we move into the period of seeing what the fruit of the course will be. As with any intense spiritual experience, be it a brief moment in a charismatic service or a longer period of spiritual intensity such as I experienced with EDEV, where we identify the Spirit as being at work the question is not what happened then but what impact will it have in the future? The truth of the experience is in the change it generates not the moment itself. If in a years time, ten years time or whatever I can look at where I am and see spiritual growth relating in part to what I regard as the work of Gods Spirit in my life through EDEV I will know that it was God, not me going off on one of my emotional over-reactions.
Looking back at my journey and faith development, and indeed over the five years of blogging, I can see the way the Spirit has moved in my life at different times. I can see clearly that whilst I have made mistakes, and so sometimes have others, God has been at work in my/ our lives. I can see where the Spirit has been at work in the churches I have worshipped in, be they Baptist or Methodist. I can see where God has worked through his Spirit in others to bless me and stop me in my tracks and give me a kick up the backside sometimes.
So as I come to yet another ending and beginning....my story has many chapters....I am smiling. I am thankful for the people God has used in my life over the years, I am thankful for the churches he has placed me in, I am thankful for the denominations he has placed me in and I am thankful for the wider networks of family and friends he has given me who have supported my faith and kept it going when I felt the institution was going to suffocate. I am thankful that I can look back and say yes I am a numpty who has made way too many mistakes and spent too much time wrestling with and moaning at God, (and others) but I am a numpty who can see spiritual growth. I know my experiences of the Spirit in my life have been genuine because of the way the chapters have developed into a story of faith and healing.