Categories: uncategorized
Date: 03 February 2008 08:07:51
At the moment I feel like one of the non-league teams playing in one of the preliminary rounds of the FA Cup. You know the rounds I mean, where Computer Hackers FC play Local Butchers FC with the aim of getting a Third Round tie against Man U, and then maybe being giant killers who can make it all the way to Wembley.
By this I mean I feel like I am persuing a somewhat impossible dream, yet technically and somehow it could just happen (atleast the Third Round tie bit). I think I'm currently in that place when reality hits the forward half way through the second half, just before he shoots, and he still goes for it using all the knowledge about the game he has but whether he scores or not may well be down more to luck than judgement.
Obviously in my case it's not football I'm going for (I may love to watch the beautiful game, but I can't play for toffee) rather it's submitting my PhD proposal and more specifically the online essay which is part research proposal but part personal statement.
Taking the football analogy on further my problem is that for much of my academic career I have been playing, at best in the lower divisions (studying in former poly's and HE colleges doing obsure or bitty courses). In those early games I was also a bit like the footballer who had cramp and so never quite got the grade they were capable of (I am coming to realise that giving birth 6 weeks prior to going back for my final year and dealing with a new baby aswell as a dissertation in my final year may have actally contributed to my 2:2, rather than just general dumbness). More recently I have moved up to one of those teams which generally hangs about in the lower half of the premier league or top of the Championship (i.e. an established red brick uni) and got a reasonable qualification. Yet now I am looking to enter the top half of the premier league and I realise that I'm not somebody who has always floated about the top clubs and I am desperately seeking to justify why despite spending so much of my life playing average games in the lower leagues I am capable of playing well in top flight games. How do you convey, in proper academic terms, you are an extremely hard worker who plays the game until full time to make sure you atleast get a point out of the game, even if you don't manage all three points and that it's your determination, and willingness to think outside the box which will get you the results. Ok not all the play will be as beautiful as that which comes from the European players, at times your lower class roots may show through, but at the end of the day you can play the game well and just need the chance? Oh I know at the end of the day it will come to how I play on the pitch if given a trial & what they've seen of previous matches (i.e. my research proposal, academic reference and example of previously produced work), but there is still that bit which may come down to qualifications and people making judgements on my past achievements (prior to the last qualification).
Basically, now I've got to the stage of starting to apply I'm so sure I want to do this I'm not looking forward to being basically laughed at and being told I'm being over ambitious. (Although I guess the fact that somebody has said, provisionally, they may be willing to supervise me and they think what I want to do seems like a worthwhile project I atleast have a chance). I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens next.