Categories: uncategorized
Date: 12 May 2009 06:07:13
Japes has a tag line to her blog title saying "Too old for some things, not old enough for others; it’s that Awkward, In-between age." It somes up alot of how I feel at the moment. There are things I am too old for if I'm honest. Places I have inhabited recently where perhaps I shouldn't have been.... but places which were v. welcoming. Places that are loving, warm communities but are communities that have potential for growth which need to be nurtured. Part of that growth comes should come from being seen as positive, relevant spaces.... and I am not sure whether the presence of a geriatric post-grad, with a daughter nearer their age, helps that. The space in question is one I have decided was probably right for a season, but one which I need to move on from. That's not to say I want to ditch the friendships I made there. I have made some good friends whom I still intend to network with, and do lots of coffee with. However, as I say, I think the "too old" thing probably needs to be acknowledged. Yet this provides a problem with what I do with the time this frees up and how I might network with people who aren't nearer my daughters age. I have begun to search.... and will have to see. Yet one problem I realise is that alot of alternatives are for more mature people. As Japes' quote says, "it’s that Awkward, In-between age". The daughters age thing also contributes to the whole mindset I find myself in at the moment. Last night she informed me that "next week I'm going to be top of the school". She wasn't talking academically here, (she's good but not that good), rather she meant that next week the year 11's leave and so her year group become top of the main school. Now, I know how old she is and how she is growing up..... but that hit me quite hard. I started to grasp the fact that in a year she could, if she wanted, leave school (amongst other things). My ickle girl is nearly an adult and so I have moved onto the next phase of life. Whilst I am aware that in parenting terms I am quite young for this to be happening to, (being 5-10 years younger than alot of her friends parents), I am still now there... middle aged. Yet.. somehow I'm not. I'm not in that mindset that starts thinking about pensions or slowing down.... I have roughly another quarter of century until I can retire. However, I am in a place wondering what, quite seriously, to do with the rest of my life. When I came on the adventure I had some vague notions about where I wanted it to lead.... but wasn't really thinking about the future. Now, I find myself seeing that in someways post-grad study is sort of v. voccationally based.... the whole aim is to turn people into academics and researchers, (which is what I guess most people want to go onto do). I have realised that this is not me.... I like teaching and facilitating but I am not cut out to be an academic. Yet neither am I cut out to go and work in schools; with the reduction of academic sections in FE colleges that leaves me with some serious thinking to do. I am on a journey.... I need to try to find out where the journey is intended to be leading. Again being at the Awkward, In Between Age is relevant here. If this all sounds a bit like a mid-life crisis don't worry it's not. Rather I have entered the period of transition into "proper middle age" and am thinking out loud on some of the things that means.