Research decisions

Categories: uncategorized

Date: 22 February 2009 08:46:51

This week I have been forced to refocus, to decide what it is I am actually wanting to do with my research and how I am going to achieve it. This has been interesting for me because it has made me think hard about what my passions and priorities are, and in and beyond the academic setting. It has also forced me to sit down and really think about what my strengths and weaknesses are.

Some things have begun to clearly emerge, which I am going to share.... not so much because you need to know, dear reader, but more because I have realised this blog is in many ways the main record for my journey and need to record these things. It's been going long enough to have covered my MA, my journey into post-grad land and a range of other significant things. During the ups and downs of the last week it's proved to be really useful because it's been a record I could go back to and read through to try and map out the journey a bit.

First the initial idea has ended up being (i) an ickle over ambitious and (ii) almost impossible to pin down into a workable question, which I could clearly express. So I have had to decide what I want to focus on. There was no contest here, my key interest is single parents. There is so little material available, particularly in relation to the church engaging with single parents that it makes me want to literally cry sometimes.

The latest official figures show 12 percent of all households in the UK are single parent households, and 23 percent of households with dependent children in the UK are single parent households (source Social Trends 38). That means nearly one quarter of all potential Sunday School fodder and their main carers are in single parent families. This is a figure that has trebled over the last 30 years. Whilst it's not ideal and shows how as a society we really need to get a lot more sorted at building and maintaining healthy relationships it's the reality of where we're at.  Yet the church, at a range of levels seems to have failed to engage with this reality. If we are serious about mission, if we are serious about engaging with the society in which we live in, if we are serious about being more than cozy social clubs we need to get real and look at (i) how we are currently responding and percieving single parents and (ii) how this should / can change.

The first stage of this is finding out why there is so little material and what the consequences of this are. This may well be what my research turns into doing, I don't know. That will become clearer over the next few weeks. Whatever happens though I know I need to get this qualification. Whilst I can scream into cyberspace and a few people will read and might think, doing the research and becoming acknowledged as somebody who's done the leg work might, just might give me a few more opportunities to explain to a few more people why it's vital we engage with single parents, not that I expect many people will listen. It will, also, give me some legitimacy to talk on the subject, that strangely I don't have, just being a single parent. It may also one day allow me to write the two books I have within me, that I'd love the opportunity to write.

The first book would be a book to churches explaining why I believe taking single parents seriously is vital if we stand anychance of turning the tide of secularisation, but more importantly is something we need to do because it's biblical. It would also be a book that would gently explain what a diverse group single parents are and that whilst some might fit the "stereotype" many don't. Many are professional women, and sometimes men who aren't needy in the sense that the church sometimes think. Rather they are v. busy people who juggle lots but who sometimes have some different things to consider to those who are married. It would be a book which would highlight the way that our current obsession with putting together homogenous groups is actually a bit unhealthy. My MA research suggested single parents particularly benefit from multi-gendered, multi-aged house/cell groups as a space to both give and be supported. They'd be lots of other practical stuff in this book aswell, stuff I've learnt through the research, but also stuff I've learnt through over a decade as a single mum in the church.

The second book would be a book for single parents. It would be a book which would start with an indepth analysis of the story of Hagar. It would go through how she became a single parent as the result of the sin of others, others whom the world has come to revere. Then it would go through her falling apart in the wilderness as she struggled to provide for her son. Then it would show how God her her cry and felt compassion. Finally it would show how she rebuilt her life and in the end found her son a wife, leading him into a healthy marriage relationship. After that I would use this story which is found in Genesis to show how there have always been single parents and how they've always faced the same basic issues, those issues have just taken a different form at different points in history. I'd also highlight though, that because being a single parent is just one part of who they are, not the defining feature, that their experience will be unique. What the book would hope to do is allow them to pick and choose the bits that might resonate with them. Then, then I would go on to share what I've learnt over the years, aswell as what I've learnt from others. Finally there would be a chapter on forgiveness. This chapter would have a certain slant but would be sharing that a huge part of learning to forgive people comes from learning that even the great and the good mess up sometimes. To do this I'd return to the old testament and look again at Abraham and Sarah, before moving on to David, (adulterer, murderer but forgiven by God and allowed to move on from his mistake and build a life with his new wife).

Hopefully, I could also support those with more practical skills who were coming up with ideas on how to put some of what I was going on about into practice on the ground. Along side that I'd like to help people who were struggling being them in churches by just coming along side them and listening. I'd like to encourage them to just pray and get creative with God but also not give up on his church which is full of imperfect people. One way I'd want to do this is by somehow sharing the stuff I've found useful in developing a creative personal prayer life, where you learn to play, cry, scream and chill with God. This side of it is where I think my heart for wider forms of inclusion in the church comes in aswell, (relating to all forms of single people and LGBT people).

Anyway, that's the dream shared - not sure if / how any of it will come to fruition but it's what I have burning inside me. It's the dream which has led me, I guess, into my current slightly crazy situation. It's the dream which is a passion. As I say the majority of it relates to, atleast in the beginning, to be a voice advocating the need for the church to engage with the large and diverse group of single parents in our society. So that's why I don't want people to think, when they hear of the change of plan that I am simply ditching my heart for the LGBT community or for single people more generally. Rather I am having to make some practical decisions right now relating to my current stage of the journey and trying to get the qualification, what ever that turns out to be done.

I also have to work out how practically I'm going to make it work. In many ways I think moving up here in faith was not the brightest idea I've ever had. Life is hard, harder than I think I'd ever imaginged it could be.

So anyway there you have it dear reader. Prayer for working all this out would be appreciated. Prayer for Third Party would also be appreciated, it can't be easy when you're a teenager getting dragged across the country and then having to deal with not only a lowered standard of living but also a stressed out mum.

***Edited, because I didn't want end the post with a load of gut spilling afterall. Sufficient to say that I have a number of decisions which require lots of wisdom and the odd miracle and so any prayer support being offered at the mo would be greatfully recieved. ***