Psychological Planning Tips for Christmas

Categories: uncategorized

Date: 03 December 2008 16:32:19

"Christmas Time, Mistletoe and Wine, Children Singing Christian Rhyme" - the thought of these things are enough to send some of us hurrying into a corner wishing for January.

However, with some careful planning and some acknowledgement of how we do/ don't do Christmas it needn't be a total nightmare. Here are my top tips for how to make Christmas bearable if you're struggling for a variety of reasons.

1. Realise Christmas doesn't have to happen on 25th December. Whether it's because of work commitments or where the children are, when "it's complicated", Christmas becomes moveable. Normally for us it's ended up being the Sunday before the 25th, but this year our Christmas will be Thursday 18th for Third Party and me. The reason? Well, we're heading down south for a few days after that and whilst I'll be heading up north again for the 25th Third Party will be enjoying it with "the other part of her family".

2. Work out what works for you. Over the last few years I have had lunch on the 25th with: my church peeps (07), a bunch of random strangers who all decided to head over to Iona for Christmas (06), and my grandmother (05). This year there is the possibility it will be with neighbours. This all works for me because with all of these I have managed to avoid "imposing myself" upon other peoples families - which however well meant the offer I'd always struggle with -but still managed to have that Christmas Day lunch with people.

3. Acknowledge any loss you're feeling at this time of year. The Blue Christmas Liturgy put out by the Diocese of Ottawa is something I've found useful in the past. For some reason it appears to have disappeared from their website, which is a pity because it was useful. However, the Northumbria Community Celtic Daily Prayer also has some useful resources in. (Only downside for me is best ones tend to involve candles and I'm not allowed to have them where I live).

4) Remember not everybody has a singing voice. For me one of the bits of Christmas I've struggled with is the carols. The communal singing becomes a huge feature of what's going on which is great if you can either sing or an enthusiastic amatuer. As somebody who is regularly reminded of how out of tune she is there are times when "the carol service" has felt more like an annual humiliation than celebration and Christmas has become a time of painful exclusion. However, I started to learn that in reality it's tough people will just have to deal with it if they happen to be standing nearby.

5). Try to find out who else is about who might be lonely or end up feeling like "they've had enough". Over the Christmas period arrange to meet up with them for a drink or coffee or something to chat about stuff other than Christmas.

6) Remember on the prezzie thing you're not in competition with a previous significant other if you are a lone parent. Kids aren't stupid they know what your economic situation is.

7) Use the New Year to celebrate if you really can't handle Christmas. Because this tends to be an occassion spent more with friends than family it can be more fun, sometimes.

That's not to say that we'll all have a totally "Happy Chrimbo", but I've found the above certainly help it become more likely. Oh and for the record, I've posted all that a bit early because I have started a bit of a downhill slide and needed to remind myself of what I've learnt. I've realised that this year I am, for various reasons, more suseptible to the Christmas blues than I might have been for a while, because lonliness -however illusionary - is more likely to kick in over the actual Christmas week. Yet, I also know the next couple of weeks, before I arrive there, also require me to be more "into Christmas" than I've needed to be for a while because in that period and over the New Year I'm in for a great time.

Oh and no sympathy please. The Christmases I get are the ones which result from the decisions I make.