Categories: uncategorized
Date: 05 June 2008 19:43:23
I have spent the last 48 hours feeling like kak, thinking I had blown it. I had been putting my lack of success in my recent interview down to the fact I had had a sudden bout of self belief and so thought I had probably come across as a bit up myself. However, today I did the grown up thing and phoned for some feedback. I discovered that I hadn't got the job not because of my failings but because the candidate who did get the job could offer another popular subject, which I couldn't. I also found out that I hadn't come across as overly confident, rather they appreciated my answers reflected my experience.
The whole experience has gotten me thinking about a couple of things though. Firstly, it's so easy to lose sight of the bigger picture and think it's just about us. We think when we don't succeed it's because we're somehow lacking, not realising that it can just as easily be because other people just happen to have a particular skill or bit of experience we don't.
Secondly I'm back to the whole thing of who's in charge of this adventure. I was gutted because I hadn't got the job which I really wanted and seemed perfect to make the whole thing work. Yet, I have been praying about God's will being done with the whole thing. If God's will wasn't for me to have the job then I should be happy I haven't got the job, or if not happy atleast philosophically relieved that I was following "the Lord's will" for my life. Yet that's blooming hard to do.
Trying to look at it a different way, this is my assessment of the last few days and where we currently are on the adventure.
I was able to finally take Third Party up to look around where she is going to live because I got the interview. This meant we were able to look around the accomodation which we have obtained (if I do the course full time) and around the school which we are now getting the transfer form filled in for. I was also able to network a little. If I had got the job it would have been geographical brilliant, but it would have been a few more hours than would have been ideal. It may also have put the accomodation in jepody if it had meant I had had to do the course part time. On the really negative side if I had got the job I would have known how, atleast for the first few months, how I was going to pay the rent and (hopefully) the balance of the fees.
I am now job hunting again and am back to being slightly more than an ickle worried about how all this is going to work out. Yet also, I may be a step forward on the road God is leading me along, even though it feels I'm going in circles and engaging in one step forward, two steps back.