Categories: uncategorized
Date: 15 June 2005 17:24:29
Today, were I still married, would be my wedding anniversery. However, I have now been "no longer married", longer than I was married so it is now just another day of the year. Well sort of, so it's a theme I'm going to explore - not to be self-indulgent (a double negative I know), but rather to try and explain about this type of non-anniversery that hundreds of thousands of people have, but which is still kind of a topic you just don't talk about.
Over the first couple of years it is one of those days of the year you tend to find a bit wierd (& sometimes difficult). One of those days of the year that "you plan for". That's when you are still in the painful bit of the cycle, generally, as I understand it. During that period it is a day of "what ifs" & "if onlys".
However, over time, people pick up the pieces & life goes on. So it becomes just another day of the year, but one where you are aware that there is more of a danger than usual of scars becoming a bit tender. At times it can become a bit like Friday 13th, really no different from any other day, but because you are aware of the date you are more aware of what is going on. So when pmt hits around that time it gets tied in, etc (just an example - but you get what I mean).
These are the reactions when we do the focusing on it as a day when only two people were involved. Today I acknowledged the date, but decided to treat it differently. I used it as a day to reflect upon and remember other people who were around who either are no longer with us or whom I have lost touch with, aswell as good friends who have stuck by me throughout.
I thanked God for a few, giggled to myself about a few & texted one. As such I acknowelged what was involved but changed the focus of my thoughts, so I regained the joy of the day by changing the significance of what I was remembering. This was something that has come from the point I'm now at, not something that could have be done near the beginning.
So if you know anybody who is now not celebrating what was previously an anniversery, my advice is just be there for them and go with their flow. They may truly, as I now am, be 100% ok about it, but they may just need people around to say hi or they might want to just go and hide for the day. Whatever just go with it and realise that what may seem like just another day isn't always.