Categories: uncategorized
Date: 13 July 2008 09:47:46
Last night I mangaged to stay awake late enough to watch Fantabulosa which was a really moving drama about the life of Kenneth Williams (the Carry On star / Voice of Willow the Wisp). One of the themes which was portrayed in part of the performance was the way that Williams handled celibacy and sexuality. A point quite strongly made in the drama was the way that celibate people engage in sexual behaviour mainly in their heads, (although masturbation also often pays a role).
This is something as somebody who has been celibate for the last decade I am obviously aware of, but it got me thinking. Dealing with the realities of being celibate yet also a sexual being is something the church is dismal at addressing. Casting my mind back to when I was a young person, and to various "singles talks" I have been unfortunate to end up in since the focus has always tended to be "sex outside marriage is wrong full stop." or "if you do get in a realationship where do should you stop?" and so a list of do nots. I don't think I can remember anything that has acknowledged you may currently be and may actually end up remaining single, but you will still be a sexual being and have to work out a way to express that in a godly way, but one which enables you to keep your sanity.
This is an important issue for both single heterosexual and LGBT people if they are seeking to live out the position which says all sex outside marriage is wrong. It becomes particularly relevent for those of us with a non-heterosexual sexuality if we take the side B position (i.e. God has created us with our sexuality, but we are called to be celibate). At the moment the position being taken appears to be that the church and its teaching thinks those of us who choose to adhere to its teaching become robots, rather than still being fully human.
I think that this lack of teaching on how to handle singleness and celibacy whilst still fully acknowledging our sexuality may be one of the reason that so many Chrisitans in their twenties and thirties may be so messed up emotionally or decide to enter into marriages they should never be in at all. This is complicated even more if people come from traditions which say masturbation is wrong.
What has to be acknowledged particularly by those, (who are often married), promoting the no sex outside heterosexual marriage message is their current teaching encourages us to shut off an important, God given, part of ourselves. We are effectively told to become robots until such time we enter an appropriate, married, relationship. This means we become humans who struggle to deal with all the contridictory feelings we have (including those of feeling horny and guilty at the same time). This is total contridiction to what should be happening where we should be encouraged to value the whole of who God has made us but also use our sexuality responsibility in the bounds God has laid down in order to show full respect to such a wonderful gift.
It is, surely, an area which, if we expect people to adhere to traditional teaching, we must develop some clear teaching on - sooner rather than later.