Categories: uncategorized
Date: 05 February 2006 08:19:02
Have finished struggling with the ethical issues around the shape of the family and need to have a biological father present in a family, (well enough to do some kind of presentation on Monday), just the essay to get done now - and I have a week to sort that, so all might be well.
Academically, I can now be ever so objective on the issue of families; however this is space for me to stop trying to use rational evidence and say what I think, based upon my own subjective experience and belief. It also kind of enables me to tie up the whole snap shot thing on a positive note.
On one level it is just Third Party and me, but as the snapshots showed it is sooooooo much more than that. At each stage when the going got tough there have been people around to support and help. There is a v.g. extended family (in the conventional sense), but there is also an urban family and a church family. At different points I have relied on different types of family or community - and personally I prefer community because it is so much more of an inclusive word, but only, I think, because we have tended to value the components of nuclear family more than extended in our society.
Looking back I think there have been times when I have relied too heavily on different parts of the family, (particularly urban family), and the times when I have been strongest and happiest are when I have been able to contribute to all of the family and so the support I have recieved has been mutual support rather than me just taking.
What I am saying is that I think part of the problem in our society is the breakdown of the nuclear family, but it is also the fragmentation and secularisation of society which means that many people find themselves without the full set of networks to be part of. When "stuff" happens in our lives or we are at a point where we are particularly vunerable, or simply lack experience in life and need to get some advice we don't always want part of our network of "families" or "communities" to know, and which part will differ according to the situation. If we are going to function fully we need the range of people there to support us (and for us to contribute to), particularly as in dark times we often tend to retreat from one or more, for practical or survival reasons.
Anyway what I am saying is I am blessed to have had a good range of support structures. They have been particularly balanced over the last few years (when I have been at my "healthiest") and so perhaps the key to it all is not having one "family" but a range of communities / families in our lives. The "urban family" need not be seen as a replacement for the "nuclear", but rather an addition to it.