Categories: uncategorized
Date: 18 April 2007 11:54:41
With all the events that have been happening throughout the world in the last few weeks I thought that, with my own odd humour, I'd relate some fun about death.
This will not be news to our American Cousins, who have been going through this for a few years, but the UK is getting fatter. I know 'cos I am, sort of, one of those people - I'm slowly starting to lose weight, mainly around the wallet. There are of course consequences to this expansion.
For one thing is that we only have a finite area of land for us to cover on our island. Maybe we could rent space from Russia, America, Canada or Australia and tow it over. This would then provide greater room for our expansion.
Another is illustrated in a news story on the BBC website. When we die we're clogging up the crematoria with our expanded bodies. Local councils are having problems incinerating our earthly remains as most crematoria were constructed in the days when we were much slimmer. The average coffin was 16-20" wide but its now becoming more common for coffins to be 40"+ in width. Therefore they need to buy new crematorias to accomodate the new coffins.
Bodies, thankfully in "wooden overcoats", are being shipped around the country for incineration. There is only one large crematoria in Scotland and Lewisham, in South London, are taking coffins from Gloucestershire - Hi Pants - and West Midlands - Hi Steve.
In addition it will take more fuel to incinerate each body, plus the additional carbon footprint from moving them around the country. Therefore being a "porker" is not environmentally friendly. Therefore I suggest that the Chancellor introduces a new stealth tax on such bodies. He already double taxes us on our estate so why not our disposal?
I think that this should be called the GREEN PORKER TAX....
Apologies to any people who may feel insulted by this post. It is meant to be light hearted. I can't help it if you're overally sensitive ;-)