Categories: uncategorized
Date: 03 December 2007 18:59:27
Ths is an open letter to the Football Association (England):
I wish to apply for current vacancy within your organisation the following reasons:
1. I am not Steve McClaren.
2. I am not Graham Taylor.
3. I do not have extra-marital affairs.
4. I do not consult faith healers of dubious qualification.
5. I am a successful Premiership Manager, I have won 3 titles, 4 FA cups and 2 European Champions League titles as manager of Arsenal in 5 years and 2 titles, an FA Cup, 1 UEFA Cup and 2 Champions League semi-finals with West Ham United.
6. I am a product of the West Ham Academy - season ticket holder East Stand Upper for several years.
7. I am not Swedish.
8. I have managed Wales to 3 World Cup Finals (FIFA 1998, 2002 & 2006).
9. I will accept 50% of what ever Jose Murinho demands to be paid.
10. I've read Brian Clough's biography.
11. I don't accept bungs.
12. I've never met/slept with/otherwise engaged in relations with Ulrika Johnsen. However I did once see her in M&S in Maidenhead.
13. I speak English so won't need a translator or foreign staff.
14. I'm willing to drop/call up David Beckham, as required.
15. I'm quite happy for the tabloids to make fun of me.
16. The government want greater "supporter participation" in football.
17. Think of the publicity - all publicity is good publicity.
18. I've watched Mike Bassett England Manager & Yesterday's Hero.
19. I used to read Roy of The Rovers.
However I am also a "foreign" coach, I'm Welsh. This appears to be a necessary requirement for the job as the English have no one capable of running a p***-up in a brewery, let alone an international football team. Looking at the Premier League it also seems like a necessary position for any "big" job.
I therefore feel that I am eminently qualified for the position - hence I stand no chance of winning it.