Categories: travel
Tags: France, Limousin, Lyons, Surrender Monkies, Bergerac, Bayeux, Mont St Michel
Date: 04 May 2009 15:34:38
FW and I are currently planning our forthcoming invasion of France. We will be entering using the traditional route - via Flanders and the Somme region. We will then proceed west to Normandy, to visit Bayeux, the D Day beaches and Mont St Michel, before manouevring south to reclaim the other Welsh lands lost by the English after the Hundred Years War. After all King Arthur did fight the invading Saxons in Brittany and Richard the Lionheart - that well known Welshman (he was born in the Rhondda vallies really) - owned most of the lands down to Bordeaux, and beyond.
Our plan is to lay claim to our ancestral lands in the Limousin region. We aim to visit Bergerac to see where Jersey's Greatest Detective came from, in honour of Auntie Doris. We will then undertake a reconnaitre towards Clermont Ferrand and then on to visit a wiblogger in exile in Lyons. She is currently lulling the French into a sense of insecurity in preparation for the invasion.
We all know that any invasion of France will be successful because they are a bunch of garlic smelling, frog and snail eating ,surrender monkies - or so our national prejudice and the historical narrative of the Franco-Prussian, First and Second World Wars confirm to us.
Carla Bruni, Catherine Deneuve, Audrey Tautou and other luminaries of French beauty will of course be spared. President Dwarf will be the first to be imprisoned in the newly built Bastille and will then marry "Madame la Guillotine" shortly afterwards.
We will be leaving via the traditional port d'embarquement of Dunkirk, though hopefully not chased by Germany's mighty Panzer regiments or under the aerial threat of the Luftwaffe.
D-Day is D minus 9 days and counting. We look forward to reporting on the success of our mission in due course.
En avant a la victoire