Categories: uncategorized
Date: 02 March 2008 18:56:32
Disclaimer: there now follows a particularly long and rambling (even by my usual standards) post. You may want to get a cup of tea before you start. Or, if you don't much fancy reading a long rambling post, I'll totally understand if you shut this now and go and do something else. Well, it's not so much that I'll understand, more that I won't know any different. So, those of you who are still reading - are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin...
I am slightly angry right now, as my stupid computer is messing me about a lot. I'm not sure if it's a connection problem, a battery problem or a bit of both, but basically the connection keeps being lost, which means the battery gets drained, and then the computer will suddenly switch itself off without warning. I'm monitoring the battery power level as I type, but that means if I suddenly see it's close to dying, I may end this post abruptly to save me from losing the whole thing, as happened the other night. Also, there seemed to be a problem a couple of minutes ago with lots of keystrokes not registering, (which could have been me, although it's not a problem I normally have) thus rendering much of what I was typing as unintelligible gibberish (which sounds more like my usual posting, I guess).
Anyway, I didn't come here to whinge about that, I was mainly coming here to share what God's been up to. The whole facebook fasting thing has been a bit more difficult the last couple of weeks, but I've realised in the last few days that God's been able to do some big stuff as a result. So here's a taster.
Long-time readers of this blog will know that, shortly after it started, I met Auntie Doris and we went out for a few months, before realising it wasn't really working out and going our seperate ways. Since then, my love life has not been mentioned around these parts, largely because I haven't really had one to speak of. Well, to cut a long story short: there was a girl I met some time back; we became friends; I really liked her and wanted to be more than friends; I became slightly less subtle in expressing this; and then a couple of weeks ago we had The Talk. That's what the post before last was about. Basically, she's told me she just wants to be friends, and as soon as we'd talked it all out and cleared the air, it was just like old times - all the tension and pressure was gone, and our friendship was back to how it was six months or so ago. I hadn't realised how much my feelings were getting in the way of our friendship, and I guess I always knew that ultimately I wanted us to remain friends no matter what happened.
So that leaves me happy, but a little confused. I'd really tried to consult God at every stage in this story, and yet it hadn't ended up the way I thought God had been planning. And now I'm asking Him again, what I should do next as regards relationship stuff, and it seems like the answer is: "Just sit and wait." It would be so tempting to just turn round to God and say, "OK, so if it's not her... who's next?" but that just wouldn't be helpful right now. Of course, that also makes it a really crap time to be going to three weddings in the next three weeks, and particularly when you have at least one mischievous couple looking to matchmake their single mates. But I'm just going to try not to stress about it, and just trust God as much as I can.
On a similar theme, both of my regular readers will be aware that about once every six months, I go through a phase of bemoaning being unsettled in my job but unsure of what to do about it. Well, this week I've hit that point again. I've said it before and I'll say it again - I've never felt like the stuff I'm doing now (at its most simple, sitting in an office shuffling paper) is what I'm going to be doing for the next forty years, or however long I'll have to keep working depending on what the retirement age is by that point. But I still don't really know what I'd rather do. I'd love to find something that I'm really passionate about, whereas at the moment what I'm doing largely falls into the category of, "I can do it, and it pays the bills, but it doesn't really excite me". So this week I've been talking to some people, and starting to pray it through again, and this morning I spoke to a very wise man at church who I really felt God had said I should talk to. This wise man prayed for me, and we felt God was saying that this is the start of a process, and in the same way that spring is starting to burst forth here in Britain, so God's getting started on bringing new things through. Which is exciting, but also a bit frustrating, because I know how I work and I'll just want it all to be sorted now. But of course, God doesn't work that way. So again, I just have to trust Him and hang on through this process, however long it takes, and remember that He understands my frustration and is there with me through it all.
Anything else I need to tell you? Oh yeah, I realised on Thursday that it was my half-birthday. Now half-birthdays haven't been relevant to me since I was about ten (or maybe ten-and-a-half) but somehow this year it's different. I know ultimately nothing much is going to have changed when I hit the big 3-0, and it's not actually that big a deal, but there's still something about it, culturally, that makes it seem like A Big Thing. I suppose the bottom line of it is - I'm kind of realising now that I won't have all the answers to everything I thought I would, but I know a man who does, and that's good enough.
And that's probably enough for now. Well done for making it all the way to here. I promise my next post will be much shorter, and hopefully involve less navel-gazing. Assuming the stupid computer doesn't switch itself off permanently...