Richard and me

Categories: uncategorized

Date: 07 April 2008 21:40:54

I'm on my housemate's computer again, and I had loads of quite fun and daft things I was looking forward to writing when I got a chance. But after checking facebook, I'm not feeling in a jovial kind of mood anymore.

As is the nature of facebook, sometimes I make friends with, or get invited to be friends with, people I used to know some time ago but haven't spoken to for ages. And, given the busy nature of life, even after becoming "friends" again, I don't always get round to talking to them for a long time. And that's what's happened with Richard. He was one of my best mates at school, but after we left I lost touch with him and almost everyone else I was at school with. A few months back, after I'd been virtually reunited with a few other old school friends, Richard sent me a friend invitation, I accepted and then... well, we haven't actually communicated since.

Then tonight, I read a note he wrote a couple of days ago, and another one he wrote more recently. Richard has been battling bowel cancer for the last year, and despite numerous courses of drugs and chemo, he has just found out the cancer is now inoperable. By all accounts, the doctors don't anticipate him living much longer.

When I read all this, I was lost for words. I've known someone younger than Richard who died from cancer, but I guess this was more shocking to me because I've known Richard for so long, but haven't spoken to him in such a long time. I've spent much of this evening trying to write a message to him, but I've given up because everything I can think to say looks patronising or trite or false when I type it. I feel a bit useless that I can't do anything to help, and can't even work out how to say that to him either. I'll pray for him, of course, but given that he's a committed atheist (he's written that he wants nothing religious in his funeral service), I'm not even sure how to tell him that. I just feel totally crap and useless about it all.

Oh Lord, I wish I knew what to say.