Previously, on "The Adventures of Steve"...

Categories: uncategorized

Date: 14 November 2006 22:00:29

I haven't mentioned it on the blog until now, but some of you will already be aware of what's been going on for me in the last couple of months. So I thought I'd make sure you were all aware.

I've been off work with stress for the last eight weeks. It's been a strange time, yet very interesting and exciting too. God's done some great stuff, I've been really blessed by old and new friends, and I'm thinking much more clearly than I was two months ago, not just about work but about pretty much everything in my life. But now comes the hard bit - I'm going back to work on Thursday.

I'm kind of looking forward to it - I can't wait to see everyone in the office again (even the people I find hard to get on with!) and to have some routine back in my days. And in a funny way, I've missed getting the train in and out of town every day (though of course once I'm back on it I'll soon be complaining about the shoddy timekeeping, lack of customer service etc), and being able to wander round the shops after work, wondering whether to buy a CD or a t-shirt. From those respects, I can't wait for Thursday.

On the other hand, of course, there's the work stuff that caused my stress in the first place. I know there's no way the workload can be slowed down, so we just have to look at ways for me to organise myself better and be able to cope with the pressures of the department. I'm starting a series of sessions with my employer's staff counselling service in a couple of weeks, and I already have in mind some things I think I need to work through with them which will help me to deal with it all better. But of course, I still have a few anxieties (I can feel my heartbeat increasing as I type this) which will make things a little daunting at first. Could go either way of course, and I'm hoping that I'll be able to handle it better now we've got past the office's busiest period of the year (the first few weeks of September, it was just dying down as I went off sick), but despite having a positive outlook as much as possible, there's still a small voice in my head going, "What are you going to do when you have this form to process?" or "How will you get through the first phone call you have to make to that person?"

Time will tell. I'm just aiming to get myself ready for Thursday, and then to do what I can. But one thing I know, above everything else, is that God has really been with me in all this. The first day I was off, I went to the doctor, was prescribed with stress/depression, and walked home in a terrible emotional state. I didn't actually cry until I got into my street, however - but as I approached my house, God just gave me a vision of angels walking with me, approaching the door alongside me. I lost it at that point (and I'm welling up now as well - damn these emotional blog posts!), got inside and let it all out. Ever since then, through the easy times and the challenging moments of the last eight weeks, I've really known God holding me in His hand, carrying me when I was too weak to walk, healing me and loving me despite my inability to convey to Him what I was feeling. And I know he'll be with me on Thursday, as I get up, return to the normal 9-5 life, and continue to move forward.