Sometimes I wonder...

Categories: uncategorized

Date: 11 November 2006 21:20:17

sometimes i wonder what it would be like to be happy.
to see all the colours in the world
instead of uniform shades of grey
or harsh neon lights illuminating my darkness

sometimes i wonder what it would be like to be happy.
to wake up with hope for the future
instead of cursing the breath that gives me life
wishing i had not woken up at all

sometimes i wonder what it would be like to be happy.
to look in a mirror and see beauty
instead of seeing the expression of disgust
when i catch a glimpse of my body.

sometimes i wonder what it would be like to be happy.
to truely laugh and smile and joke
instead of knowing that this moment will dissapear
and i will be left in the silence alone

sometimes i wonder what i would be like to be happy
to look at another person and know they cared
not wonder why they liked me
or when they'd betray me

sometimes i wonder what it would be like to be happy
to stand in church and worship with all my soul
to know the love and fellowship there
instead of just praying for relase.

sometimes i wonder what it would be like to be happy.
sometimes i wonder.
but only
sometimes.

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This was written a couple of months ago, but I figured I'd put it up and also update you, gentle reader, on my wobbling mental health state, and the fact that I saw a new psychiatrist last week and was offered treatment. Like, real treatment...that might actually work...so who knows what will happen. It's art therapy and Dilectic Behavioural Therapy by the way