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Date: 03 March 2003 13:41:00

Strange weekend...
And week thinking about it...
Mum is mad at me again, i missed college on Friday Morning, she thinks it is because i was going to the London meet, but it wasn't, it was because i spent the night in Hospital, after an overdose. She doesn't know, i don't want her to know.
She says things aren't working out. That we need to talk. She said i needed to come and pick up all my stuff...
Is this it?
Has she properly chucked me out, does she really really really hate me now?
I just don't understand.
I don't want to leave my mum, i want her to love me...so much, i want her to care for me, and not tell me i'm worthless. I know i have said so many wrong things, and done even more...but - but - i have tried to do so much to get her to like me, and it's not worked.
Nothing will work.

I'm also really worried about my OD...I don't want to die at the moment, what if i do?
What if the paracetamol is destroying my liver, there were high levels when i left the hospital and i spent quite a lot of the London meet feeling very very very ill, and trying not to throw up...which 24 hours after is not very good (i don't think so anyway).

But i am feeling ok now, just teary and quite worried, but i'm sure they wouldn't have let me out of the hospital if i was in much danger...and i only had 3 sips of Gin at the meet, not real alcohol...

I will be ok.....Please God?