Categories: uncategorized
Date: 24 March 2008 22:08:11
Today I have spent twelve hours on a coach and three at Aldermaston, a nuclear base near Reading. Aside from bumping into tractor girl, the day was pretty much a bog standard demo. It was uber fluffy, with no direct action (not even walking on the road to get the gates...), plenty of speeches and little in the way of action. It's odd, I'm not used to that kind of thing anymore, there was a time when I'd be looking forward to it, be excited, spend time planning, making costumes and generally getting into the spirit of things...but not today.
I could blame it on the dissertation, or illness, but I think there is more to it than that. On the bus on the way down I felt very alienated, a feeling that wasn't helped by the people behind me basically dissing everything that I believe in, and being fundamentalist liberals (the usual "people who don't boycott Israel should be shot", "Christianity is evil and repressive", "The middle classes are evil" crap). I almost got off the bus at Leeds, in fact I did, I got about 10 meters away before I turned and got back on the bus. My only real friend on the bus joined a group dressing up as Maggie Thatcher and the miners, and I felt even more left out...I was beginning to wish I hadn't come. Then I got off the bus.
At first, I thought that a random person had seen my housemate, because I wasn't expecting to see anyone at the demo, but then I realised that it was Tractor Girl. And I was very happy. On the coach I commented that part of why I loved going on these demos was seeing my friends again, the sense of belonging and companionship that I felt when I was part of a group was missing from this demo. But thanks to a happy coincidence, it was a fantastic day.
For the last few years, I've felt that I was drifting away from the ship. Last Wightmeet was the realisation of this feeling, I've changed as a person in the last five years, and most of the changes have been from a fairly shy, conventional person to a significantly more confident and radical person. I don't feel I have many friends on the ship who I can identify with politically, and to a lesser extent spirituality. I doubt there are many Christian Anarchists on the ship...Tractor Girl is one of the few who I feel comfortable talking to about faith and action (so comfortable that I did my best to corrupt Third Party...).
I've also decided that growing up sucks. I don't want to get a job, I don't want to move out of student accomodation into a real house, and I don't want to leave university.