Categories: uncategorized
Date: 28 December 2003 23:45:10
Here be a plotted history of the Christmas Period for me and my family.
Christmas Eve: was pure hell. no seriously. i hated it. so am not elaborating any further.
Christmas Day: was the kind of stony polite silence where everyone played at happy families for a bit and then went to bed.
Boxing day: was interesting. i went with my family to a family friends. now this particular friend has three kids, all younger than my middle sister, so i was by far the eldest, and ever since we knew them i was the odd one out, so when i got to 18 i thought it would be wonderful and i could get counted as a grown up and allowed to chat with mum and her friends. but sadly this wasn't the case...so i phoned another friend of mine in Marple and went round to their house. the quote of the day was "sophs is coming round, she sounds a bit desparate". so i ended up with some friends, had a wonderful time, and then felt the familiar depression/panic as i realised i had to go back to my family...but it was ok as i went home after that.
I think possibly the worst bit of the christmas period was the strained relationships between me and my family, it really upsets me that i have such a crap relationship. but so much went on over christmas that i was really really angry at mum. which is unusaual. normally when i seem angry i am really upset and deeply hurt, but this christmas i was angry, upset and deeply hurt. because of a complicated family, i only had one pure blood sibling, a brother called joe. because of crap relationships with my family i spent a good part of my childhood in a dream world where my brother was alive. to some extent i still do, i wonder what he would have been like and how things would have been different. apparently my middle sister was upset about Joe's death and mum said she would take her to see where joes ashes are scattered. So i thought that was ok, that we'd all go as a FAMILY. i was wrong. My mum took her boyfriend and my two younger sisters to see where my brothers ashes are scattered. Leaving me at my biological fathers.
And then told me i ruined christmas for everyone by being upset.
grrrr.
but boxing day was great fun, i love my friends!!!!