Categories: uncategorized
Date: 20 June 2004 00:11:26
By the time I post this it will Fathers day.
5 years since he died and it still hurts like hell. Not all the time, but sometimes, a sharp pain that tears my heart apart.
I'm in a fairly depressed mood, realising agian lots of things about my family, and about what I want when I end up tearing and wanting my dad.....I guess I want the dad of my dreams, and unatainable figure who would hug me and tell me everything's gonna be ok...
I still long for a family. It's sad really, but I guess you always want what you havn't got...
Mum came to where i live today, to drop off some stuff. 2 bags and my old guitar. I feel as if she is clearing me out of her life. I've realised that when I get to uni, and move into halls and stuff, going home for the holidays is NOT going to be an option. It wouldn't work. There is way too much baggage. So I'm looking for a student house. Want to move in beggining of september/end of August...
Scary.
I'm also starting counselling. Really starting it. Don't want to.
Before the ending of the day,
Creator of the world, we pray
That you, with steadfast love, would keep
Your watch around us while we sleep.
From evil dreams defend our sight,
From fears and terrors of the night;
Tread underfoot our deadly foe
That we no sinful thought may know.
O Father, that we ask be done
Through Jesus Christ, your only Son;
And Holy Spirit, by whose breath
Our souls are raised to life from death.
From night prayer, one of my favorite songs, and this prayer :
Keep watch, dear Lord,
with those who wake, or watch,
or weep this night,
and give your angels charge
over those who sleep.
Tend the sick,
give rest to the weary,
sustain the dying,
calm the suffering,
and pity the distressed;
all for your love's sake,
O Christ our Redeemer.