Categories: uncategorized
Date: 31 March 2004 22:18:11
It's painful when Smudgelet has a bad night, much easier when it's Tiddles. Tiddles nestles into your arms and lies there content and comforted until he falls asleep, but Smudgelet does nothing but squirm. All knees and elbows whether awake or asleep. I was wakened from underneath him by the phone ringing and found him so deeply asleep I couldn't move, with his head rammed under my chin so it was impossible to talk to my friend on the phone. Waking him was well-nigh impossible - he'd seem to wake slightly and readjust as if ready to stand up and walk back to his room, only to snuggle in deeper and go back to sleep. I began to despair of ever being able to move again as he contentedly dug his knee into my stomach with a sleepy sigh. I do so love him.
So, what do you think of the new hairdo? You haven't said how lovely it looks! I am really pleased with it. In fact, it's been a fantastic day today. A morning of warm sunshine spent sitting on the patio with dad and giggling at the antics of the cat who decided to investigate the tunnel made by the rotary washing line cover and crawled in to the far end, where he found he couldn't turn round and had to reverse all the way out again. These good times with Dad are what make it all worthwhile. I've emailed work and told them I want to go part time. I have to be less stressed and able to relax and just enjoy being with him.
My lunchtime session with my counsellor was really good again today... and it was rather moving to look up and find her crying with me at one point. It was good to talk through with her my feelings about God and to look again at how he fits into my picture of my current life and how he'd change that picture if he were to hold the pen. I told her of the dilemma of feeling there are lots of hints that I should consider the ministry and wondering what God's driving at because I don't want to do it and, what's more, I don't feel in a position to do it when I'm currently doing so much (all of which I feel God calls me to do). Then, when I told her about supporting a friend through a difficult day yesterday (in the context of me learning to take my own advice), she suddenly said "Smudgie, you're already in the Ministry and doing a good job of it too". Wow, what a feeling! It no longer feels as though I am getting mixed messages. On the other hand, she berated me for making a definite decision to concentrate on enjoying life as it is and not acknowledging the deep longing I have to share it with someone who cares simply for me, her view is to enjoy life but to hand the deep desire of my heart over to God and let him do as he will. Scary! Not sure whether I can do that one, but I'm working on it.
From there, straight to the hairdresser. Two solid hours of pampering! I love my new hairstyle and it looks really good (she says, modestly). The Smudgelets were wonderful and greeted me with an obviously sincere "Mummy, you look really lovely" when I got home, repeating it at bedtime as well. I must remember to slip them the bribe tomorrow. I wonder which looks nicest, the hair or the relaxed face from sharing a good talk with my counsellor, two hours talking to God while having my hair done, and the lovely unexpected hand massage from one of the girls at the hairdressers who was practising for an exam on Saturday and wanted some hands to practise on.