Categories: uncategorized
Date: 08 September 2004 23:22:00
I must be getting old. Half way through leading the Lord's Prayer in the Church of Fools and my mind suddenly goes a complete blank. What on earth comes after "Give us this day our daily bread" ? All I can say is, thank goodness the congregation were praying at their own pace instead of following me, or I'd have never seen someone type in the next line and been able to copy!
I seem to have written a service for 19th September. It's been ages since I've lead worship in church - or at least in a real life church where I can actually SEE the people falling asleep in the pews. And what happens? The lectionary readings are pretty well the most difficult I've ever read. And being a worship leader rather than a lay preacher, I'm not allowed to do a sermon. I've always found this an interesting point - why the sermon? I am allowed to do the children's address, which I'd have thought was far more risky. And I'm allowed to lead prayers, which surely is really presumptuous, guiding people's conversations with God. These I am permitted, but I cannot give my take on the readings in the form of a sermon to adults who should really be evaluating my words for themselves and weighing them against their own faith.
It all feels scarily like God pushing me towards some form of active ministry. Even my sons are at it now "Mummy, I think you ought to be a minister". But it's definitely a question of "in the Lord's time, not mine" and I'm certain he doesn't want me to be messing around with any other pressures right now - not when he brought me to this point of caring for my children and my father. IN fact, it's really rather scary altogether, learning to trust God and take risks on the basis of that. I felt called to go ahead with the extension to my house and to build a room which I can offer to people who need a place to be. God seemed to be saying "Just do it. The money will be there". This, just at the point where I have a massive demand on my finances such that I have to cancel two mainland trips, including one to a wedding.
So there we have it, God. I need the gift of patience (and I need it now! ;) ) and I need the gift of trust. I tell the kids at school that the brain has a habit of believing what we tell it - if we say "I can't do that" then we never will, but if we say "Come on, brain, here's a challenge - let's have a go at it and see what we can do" then we can surprise ourselves. I've seen it make all the difference with my little special needs children. Now all I need to do is apply it to my own walk with God. Come on God, here's a challenge - help me have a go at it and all things are possible within your will.
Meanwhile, do you think an early night would be possible for a change?