Categories: uncategorized
Date: 23 September 2004 21:07:05
I'm in disgrace. After all, I should never have expected Dad to remember the arrangement he'd made - i.e. that I would pick Smudgelet up from school on my way home from the leisure centre. Come four o'clock, Dad was worried sick because he didn't know whether to fetch the child or not - even though it was he who had asked me if I'd do the pick up. How could I be so thoughtless?
Smudgelet's going through a bad patch at the moment. He's extremely attention seeking at home and suddenly seems to have lost the ability to amuse himself. And I followed up a rumour I'd heard this evening and discovered he's behaving quite badly at school. "Mummy, half of my body's telling me to be a good boy, and the other half is saying to be naughty, and it's ever so difficult to decide what to do". The reason for all this? Well, the difficult one to handle is the fact that he still misses his birth sister a great deal - excessively, in fact. Add to this the fact that he has now lost the half hour of very focussed one-to-one attention he used to get from Dad in a morning once Tiddles and I had gone to school. He's now dropped off at the child minder's instead. Also he doesn't get to go to the park on the way home from school any more because Grandad can't walk him there any more. And he resents me sitting with Tiddles while he does his homework. (He has actually had half an hour to and hour and a half of my individual attention before Tiddles gets home from school, but that's irrelevant of course). He loiters around looking miserable until I end up getting irritated and sending him to play in his room, which he takes as a major rejection. Also the fact that Tiddles is finally able to stay up a bit longer and I have started putting Smudgelet to bed first (i.e. at his usual time, with Tiddles staying up an extra half hour until 7.30 and watching the videos which I think Smudgelet isn't quite old enough for yet).
Part of the problem, of course, is that for Smudgelet the cup is always half empty. I offered that if he gets a good report from his teacher on a Friday night, I'd take him swimming after school (which is something he really likes doing). We'd have half an hour in the pool together, and then Tiddles could get off the bus at the swimming pool and come and join us for half an hour. "Does Tiddles have to come?" Yes, we'll have half an hour you-and-me time and then half an hour family time. "Yes, but my share isn't enough then." Oh, it's lovely to be so in demand.
Tiddles is really not too well either. He's got a stinking cough and cold, bless him, and a perpetual headache. He's been in and out of bed since he came home from school. I know it's not nice to hope, but I sort of hope he's not well in the morning so I can justify keeping him home from school. I don't want to take the time off work, (amazing as it may sound) but I think he could do with a day in bed. Ah, but then I'd be showing favouritism to Tiddles - perhaps I should keep Smudgelet at home instead!
The missing-sister thing is a problem, though. After three years he should be getting used to it. I am afraid I was quite blunt tonight - "that's how things are, I'm afraid, and they'll never be any different, so you're going to have to learn to deal with it" because I really don't want it to become a basis for manipulation. I can give loads and loads of comfort and it doesn't seem to help, and he was definitely starting to "use" it as a way to get me to sleep in his room with him, or not tell him off when he's been naughty". But I'll be getting back in touch with the counsellor tomorrow to see what on earth is the best way to tackle it. Any ideas?
As for me, I was very brave today and went back to the gym. Goodness me, do I know it! I am shattered! I went expecting the gradual induction I had when I first joined and she gave me 2 minutes on each machine. This chap set me off on a six minute warm-up on the bike, followed by fifteen, yes fifteen minutes on the treadmill! Good grief - the audacity! I was expecting to be there about 20-30 minutes and was actually there for an hour. No wonder I'm absolutely shattered now!!! But don't tell anyone how much I liked it, will you?