Categories: uncategorized
Date: 13 January 2007 21:54:57
God's been doing a good job of holding me up when the strain gets too much today. A course on parenting adopted teenagers has helped me to find people who actually know what it's like to live with children with RAD, who know that love is not enough to undo the damage done to these kids' ability to cope with life, who know that it's not just teenage stuff, not just boy stuff, not that "all children are like that" stuff... but is all of the above and more so. And I've found a teacher who actually understands and is willing to put her reputation on the line to support my young man as far as she possibly can. To say nothing of the real effort he's making at the moment, under the influence of a daily nagging session from my brother and a gentle reminder from me. It will last until next time - that is the nature of the beast - but it's a good thing while it lasts and is starting to undo some of the damage to our relationship too.
The bad news - he's excluded from school at the moment, and on the verge of being excluded from the music centre too. In fact, being excluded from school has been a treat - he's learned more from home tuition than he'd have learned in school, been involved in practical work helping us with the decorating, and away from the peer pressures of school he's been delightful. I dread Monday when he returns.
Support for us from Social Services has, for the first time, been unimpressive. I don't often get angry, but I'm pretty angry at the moment. But I am amazed to find the support they should be offering actually been given by people who really shouldn't be expected to give it. In particular the hospice have been amazing. Music centre too. And this course I've been on today has been brilliant - good job I found out about it by chance. When I asked the social worker about it I was told "Ah, I had thought how good that course would be for you", though obviously the thought hadn't taken them quite so far as to mention the course to me. But now I have a group of people in the same situation and no longer feel so alone. And a phone call out of the blue from a friend who's also an adopter and with whom I'd sort of lost touch a bit because we were both so busy has reestablished a mutually supportive relationship (and she's planning to phone me next week to find out whether I have been adequately bolshy with social services).
Those who read this blog who I know are thinking of adoption, please read "parenting the Child who hurts" and the follow on book "Next steps" by Caroline Archer because they're brilliant! Forewarned is forearmed, and it helps to be prepared.